Hello loves! I am extremely overdue for an update on my travels and for that I send my most sincere apologies. December was a hectic month with a third of it spent in silence and meditation for the Christmas and New Years holidays and I’ve only just gotten my voice back in the past few days and came right to the computer to tell you all about it.

But first things first – a little administrative cleanup. So some of you may be a bit confused about the posting and I feel the need to quickly explain any sort of time-line gaps in the blogging. I’m actually in Thailand right now, living on Koh Phangan island and attending Agama Yoga school. I’ve actually been here since the 7^th of November!   All stories and posts about Israel were actually written here in Thailand, but were pre-dated to add to the illusion that I was actually on top of my game and able to write everything I was doing WHILE I was doing it. This is very much NOT the case and extremely not true, aka – for all you yogis out there, this is NOT an example of Satya ….  (sorry for any misleading)! The truth is, I’m NEVER on top of my game! But as an attempt to rectify that fact, I will definitely continue to write my travel stories and back-date them in an attempt to catch up with all that’s happened.

I have been very busy since I got to this little island in Thailand, attending yoga classes, workshops, making friends, building a life and now, embarking on a silent retreat, which means, not a lot of time to write – which is why I came here in the first place! But as the New Year has come around and everyone just loves to make resolutions, I resolve to write thoughts and events while they are happening to avoid further time-lapse confusion. It will be high up on my list right after “Get Enlightened” and “stop drinking so much hot chocolate with honey right before bed.” So, hopefully that pretty much clears up any confusion and catches you up on the logistics. Stay tuned for the details of the above mentioned items in future randomly dated posts!

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Like I said above, I chose to spend this year’s Christmas and New Years in complete silence and meditation during the retreat supported by the yoga school I’m attending. I figured since I am away from home and away from all the people I love all around the world, spending this time in meditation focused on sending love to all humanity (which conveniently includes all the people I love in all the countries spread out across the globe) and the planet itself, was probably my best option.

However, it’s not like I had a tough choice to make. My only other option was trying to find some sort of noodle dish I can attempt to form into the shape of a turkey to stuff my face with, sitting in my bungalow alone listening to Elvis’ Christmas album streaming from the internet which would undoubtedly result in almost every song cutting out randomly due to the shoddy internet connection, and getting cracked out on multiple cups of 100% cacao and honey causing me to spin and twirl and dance in front of the fan a la Flashdance style (think, “She’s a Maniac …. Maniac!!!”) I mean, which would you choose?

Here in Thailand its a tropical beach paradise, and not too many Thais are into celebrating the Christian Christmas holiday, so getting into the true holiday spirit tends to be a stretch of imagination. I mean, the closest thing I got to a “Winter Wonderland” was typing the words, “Let it Snow” into the Google search bar and watching the computer-animated snowflakes fill the screen, or opening my refrigerator to witness how the freezer component had gone haywire and was almost completely covered in freezer frost, which when blurring your eyes, kind of looked like a mini winter ice paradise (minus the bag of rotting vegetable and food scraps I have to keep in there so the various armies of ants do not swarm the leftovers and infiltrate my kitchen).

Not wanting to stoop to those pathetic levels, I chose the higher path of sitting in a yoga hall for 10 hours each day, for 10 days straight, trying to calm my mind, focus my attention and open my heart to find love in myself and give love to the world. Come to think of it, the choice was easy. What else would I really rather be doing with my time than learning to love myself, love others and love this life around me? It sounded beautiful, and it was. It ended up being the best Christmas gift I’ve ever given myself, although it was the hardest to find, “get” and receive.

The whole experience kicked off with a pre-retreat informational meeting followed by a yogi Christmas party, held on Thursday evening, December 22^nd since many people would be entering into silence on the following day at 7am for the retreat. I spent that entire Thursday hanging out with my friend Mark, a yoga teacher at the school and a Chi Nei Tsang, or abdominal massage miracle worker, who is saving the world one budding yogi and energetically blocked belly at a time. I was scheduled to get an abdominal massage with him that morning, but had received a different treatment the previous evening from another practitioner and so was in no condition to further have my belly poked and prodded to release any more built up energy. Instead, we spent the day swimming in the warm and sparkling waters of the sea – yes, on December 23^rd – floating about and discussing all yogi-approved topics such as quantum physics, the science of magic and discussing the politics of the yoga school. You know, all those things you tend to talk about during the holidays …

Later that afternoon, I attended the informational meeting where we were given the retreat schedule and guidelines. The days were divided into two session. In the morning, we were to arrive at 7am, have two hours of meditation, followed by one hour of Hatha yoga, then two additional hours of meditation. Our lunch break was from Noon – 3:30pm at which time the afternoon session would begin, consisting of two hours of meditation, one hour of self-guided Hatha yoga, an hour of question and answer session by the Swami, and then one last hour of meditation.   It sounded intense and I worried, as my mom once coined the phrase, I may be “over-meditated.”

Rainer, Agama’s business manager and a stern, unsmiling German man, read off the rules and guidelines, giving an overview of the retreat intentions focusing on Christmas and the New Year. I was accustomed to rules of silence and meditation, but was really surprised to hear such an emphasis on Jesus and his symbolic birth as a focus for our retreat. Jesus and yoga are not too words I would have readily put together when playing word association games. It was so far from the misfiring of my connective brain synapses, that when Rainer mentioned in his thick German accent, that we would be watching the movie, “Jesus of Nazareth” as part of the retreat, I thought he said, “Cheeses of Nazareth” instead.

My ears perked up then and I thought “Great!” – a documentary about the various artisanal cheeses of Nazareth and hopefully how they can lead you to truth and enlightenment by ingesting them all! That would most definitely be a path I’d consider following. Foodie fantasies aside however, my rational brain stepped back in and I quickly decided he must be saying “Jesus” not “cheeses” as it was the Christmas retreat and all (although I’ve had quite a few darn good cheese logs during the Christmas holidays in the past). Anyway, always trying to have an open mind, I simply made note that we would be discussing Jesus as part of our path to enlightenment and then made a resolution that I would not let my mind wander during meditation and begin daydreaming about eating yummy, creamy cheese (something I have not had since arriving in Thailand!) during any of my meditations.

(This is just a sample of the documentary I thought we would be using as fuel for our meditation)

After the informational meeting ended, I stuck around the yoga hall with Mark and helped put up Christmas decorations for that evening’s party. Mark, a burly and peacefully wild Scottish man, had been put in charge of making the yoga hall look fancy and festive for the celebration. To my surprise, this ex-rafting guide and extreme sports guru had a flair for arranging plastic sparkly snowflakes, brightly colored iridescent ornaments and tangled bundles of Christmas lights (thankfully SOME traditions stay the same – no matter what country you are in, there is always the ceremonious untangling of the gnarled Christmas light cluster).

We put Santa hats on our heads, turned up the Scottish jig music and did our best to transform a semi-open-air yoga hall, located on the beach in Thailand, into a winter paradise of holiday happiness. By the end, it was looking as festive as could be, especially due to a bag of random pink balloons we found and had decided to blow up and let blow all over the yoga floor. In the end, the whole yoga hall, complete with random strands of lights, plastic ornaments taped to the walls and bubble-gum pink balloons drifting around the room, resembled a low-budget middle school dance party with a Merry Valentine’s Day theme due to township budget cuts resulting in the combination of winter holidays. I looked around and smiled at the random places I end up in my life and the ability to adjust to new traditions in any country I seem to find myself.

Later that evening, all the teachers and Agama yoga students gathered in the hall to sit around the Christmas tree, sing Christmas carols and then exchange random gifts we were all told to bring. Wanting to be funny, I had originally planned on wrapping up a random bottle of ketchup I’d recently acquired (and had no idea what I would use it for) but upon further reflection, felt that would probably incur bad Karma as some sorry soul would open it and be bitterly disappointed at the quality of the one gift they received that year. So instead, I went out and bought a jar of Nutella and wrapped it up with a little knitted elephant key chain – two things I was just sure anyone would love.

My friends Gabriel, Layla and Deniz entertained us all with acro yoga feats and as the night wore down, we all headed down to the beach for a bonfire as a perfect end to our random holiday celebration. I realized that whether you are sipping eggnog from a Christmas mug or water from a fresh coconut, or sitting around a fire whether it be on a beach or in a hearth, the whole holiday is about sharing love and good feelings with friends, either new or old, and with family, even if it’s the family you make for yourself while you are away from your’s.

That night, I said goodbye and “see you soon” to my fast-made friends as some would be traveling home for the holidays and others I wouldn’t be seeing or talking with for the next 10 days. The retreat started early the next morning and I prepared, as much as one can, to spend the next few days in deep contemplation and opening my heart and mind to whatever would come through and shine forth for this special holiday season and the turn of the New Year to the long-awaited and highly anticipated 2012.

The retreat was powerful and beyond my expectations, which actually I had none as I find it best to just be open and take everything as it comes.  I’m glad I had no expectations, good or bad, for the focus upon Jesus, because it turned out to be one of the most eye-opening and heart-opening experiences I’ve had.  As I mentioned before, the first few days were completely focused on the birth of Jesus and what it truly means in a yogic sense, to this world and each of us – regardless of whether we call ourselves Christians or not. Swami read us inspiring passages about the life of Jesus, the absolute and unconditional love, acceptance and compassion he lived, and who he truly was in a Universal sense. Not being the biggest fan of religion, normally this would have left me running (or at the time, meditatively walking with purpose) and screaming (silently that is) to the door of the yoga hall and away from the fundamentalist propaganda I normally associate with fanatical and evangelical Jesus-adoring behavior. Instead, I found the yogi interpretation of the birth of Jesus and the life of Christ so inspirational and beautiful, that it filled my heart with love and I started to see Jesus and his story in a completely new light.

Swami explained, regardless of whether you are a Christian, or if you believe that Jesus was the son of God or actually walked this Earth, there is something very significant about the story of his birth, and his life. Jesus symbolizes a human who was born to show the world that through unconditional love, perfect forgiveness and absolute compassion, a human being can be filled with the consciousness of God, the Christ Consciousness. By acting in this way, in perfect love, one acts just as God “acts” so can be brought into a complete understanding of the God nature, or enlightenment.  The halo often seen around Jesus’ head (and those of other saints) is symbolic of “enlightenment” of the consciousness, or the “Crown Chakra” in yogi speak.

What I find as the most miraculous component of that equation is: Jesus was a human + you are a human + I am a human = we are all capable of loving, forgiving and living the way Jesus did, which further = that we are all capable of being filled with the perfect love of God, of the Christ Consciousness. We may feel we are millions and millions of miles away from ever coming close to being like Jesus, or possessing his “powers,” but the truth is, the seed of that Christ Consciousness is planted in each and every one of us. It resides deep within our hearts and we each have the potential to let that seed grow as we blossom into our truth – that we are as infinitely blessed with love and light as God himself.

This is what the yogis believe, that just as Jesus was a man who fully awakened to the power of God’s love within, through practice and perfecting our minds and hearts, we too can awaken to that same love. Jesus showed us the way and the truth of who we really are.

This is the sort of thing we meditated upon each day, awakening to deeper love within us and living like Jesus did. Swami boiled it down to one trite statement, that has been so over-used and mis-used in the past that it definitely has its rightful place in the cliché hall of fame. Swami said that it’s as simple as asking yourself that simple question in every situation: “What would Jesus do?” (And if you forget, I’m sure you can find one of those neon colored synthetic wrap bracelets circa 1995 with the bold black letters, “WWJD?” stitched in it to remind you.)

Now if you don’t want to don the tacky pseudo-fashion reminder, you have another option. It comes in the form of a yearly reminder and practice that helps you focus your attention and actions on living the way Jesus did. And this special time comes around every 365 days, on December 25^th. It’s called Christmas. The yogis see Christmas as our yearly celebration and remembrance of the fact that we have the seed of Divine love, of the Christ Consciousness (which to me IS Diving Love) planted deep in our hearts, just waiting to be tended to and grow forth from each of us. To the yogis, this is the true symbolic meaning of celebrating the birth of Christ each December; it is the birth of Christ within us.

Think about it. How do we know Jesus was really born on December 25^th? And why do so many other cultures choose this particular date as the birth of their “son of God” as well? It always begins with the winter solstice, December 22^nd, or the longest, darkest day of the year. It’s in the darkest moments when we can go no further, that our light has to dawn. It can’t get any darker and there’s nothing to do but bring forth the light to the dawn of a new day, a new era. Astronomically, the sun dips to the lowest horizon and seems to stay there for three days time. This is actually the definition of solstice; it means “sun stands still.” So the sun dips to its lowest place and stays down/still for three days, and only then begins to rise, is “born” on December 25^th – three days later (sounds like the three days Jesus was in the tomb too doesn’t it?)

So the birth of Christ is the birth of light in this world. It is the Light that saves the world from darkness. And this light is within each of us. The power to save the world from darkness lies deep within each of us, in our ability to love, forgive and have compassion for our fellow-man and this beautiful planet.

With that, I also have one last little tidbit of interesting mental musings:

For all those people waiting around for the second coming of Christ, here’s another little treat I’ll bestow this (post) Christmas season. The second coming of Christ is already here. It’s just that we aren’t looking in the right place. We sit here waiting for an arrival of some person, some being or idea or movement to save us, to relieve this suffering we feel in our hearts. But as we’re looking outside, the answer to the biggest puzzle is that we should turn around, turn within and look inside. When you seek so fervently, it’s always the last place you think to look. We look outside and we wait. But really it’s inside, and it’s right now.

You see, the second coming of Christ is all around us and within us. It’s you. It’s me. It’s the person in front of you in line at the grocery store. It’s the homeless person on the street begging for your assistance and it’s the elected official making decisions affecting our day-to-day lives. It’s the CEO of the company leaning over the boardroom table making decisions and it’s the school boy learning to play the violin. It’s in everyone and it is everyone. Together, we must awaken to this love within us and begin to shine it forth to our fellow living beings, creatures and planet. Each of us is the hero in this story and we all receive the glory of our actions. We are the love and the compassion and the forgiveness that will save this world. The second coming of Christ is the awakening of the latent Christ Consciousness inside each of us.

So what the yogis are saying is that we are the chosen ones, all of us! And Christmas is a time that comes around every year, every 365 days to remind us, to jog our memories that we are this light that has come to save the world from its sins. On Christmas, it’s not only Jesus’ birthday, but it’s your birthday as well! If you look at the story from that perspective, it makes sense:

• the Virgin Mary is symbolic of a “virgin” or pure body that is able to bring forth life on its own, just like we are completely whole and able to bring forth this light we have inside on our own accord. (We don’t need any hanky panky with another person to get that light shining from our hearts– we can do it on our own!)
• Mary is “impregnated” by the Holy Spirit – The Holy Spirit is OUR own Higher Self, our soul, the part of ourself that is still intimately connected with God – the bridge between God and who we are in this manifested world. So to activate our Christ Consciousness, our “Holy Spirit” or soul has to be awakened and choose to see everyone as part of one love, and to share our love with our fellow human beings
• Jesus is born in a manager, and not a palace. Ever wonder why that was part of the story? This is symbolic that everyone – not just the royal or wealthy – is capable of being born to their Divine nature. Even those being born in a manager, or a gutter, have the seed of Christ Consciousness inside them – they are JUST AS Divine as the highest of the high.
• A new star shines in the sky guiding and directing the shepherd and three wise men to the place of the birth. This “new star” is in fact us! In esoteric symbolism, the sun, our central star in our solar system, is representative of God, the giver of unconditional light and life. When a new star shines in the sky, it is symbolic that a new Christ Consciousness has awoken and now burns brightly with love. This star is you – when you awaken to your true nature inside, you join God in the infinite expanse of space as a new and miraculous star, shining brilliantly for all to see.

The symbolism could go on and on, but I will spare you that as this post is already reaching epic lengths. (Sorry – I mean, 30 hours (in just the first three days of the retreat) of deep contemplation on this subject spawned a lot of inspired ideas!)

However, as an entertaining side note, and a window into my “strange” mind, I thought I’d share that I actually used to be filled with panic and anxiety when I was a pre-teen and first became “fertile,”  praying to God all the time begging him to please NOT make me the next Virgin Mary.  I just wanted Him to know that I was NOT down with taking on the role of being the next mother of Jesus.  I mean, I wanted to go to dance class (not easy to do when carrying the son of God to full term) and hang out with friends at the mall (not stay at home and nurse the savior of the world on Friday nights).   It’s so funny, somewhere in my mind I had this feeling that I actually had a running chance, or could very well be chosen to give birth to the next Christ child (crazy I know!)  But, looking at the second coming of Christ as something that blossoms from our hearts, maybe I was just tuned in at an early age to the fact that we are ALL chosen to be the next symbolic “Virgin Mary” and give birth to the light of the world?  Good news is, now I’m ready for it!  So instead of prayers and pleading to keep that creepy Holy Spirit away from my fertile loins, I say “Bring it on!”  If my hips were made for birthing, then so is my heart …  Anyway, now you probably think I’m weirder than ever  What 12-year-old worries about being the next mother of God?  Hmm.  That would be me.  No wonder I am in Thailand spending my Christmas meditating on love and light to heal the world …

Anyway, away from my strange psychosis and back to this beautiful idea of  how we can all heal the world with light and love.  So each December, we have a moment to come together, get in touch with the love we have in our hearts and give to this world. Think about what we really do at Christmas. We collectively join together and shine our love forth as a way of trying to remember who we really are. We hug each other, we give (symbolically with presents) to each other, we forgive each other and we share with each other. At one time in the year, we all gather to manifest love in whatever way we possibly can. And in this moment, we are closest to our true nature than ever. In this moment, we are acting in the way that God acts. We are loving from our hearts and shining it forth – like the brightest star in the sky. We don’t judge or discriminate who gets our light, just as the sun does not pick and choose who receives its life-giving warmth and love. We just shine because that is our true nature – to be love and to give love.

And even though it’s past Christmas and I couldn’t share this with you on that special day due to my lips being tightly sealed and my fingers banned from the keyboard, it doesn’t matter. Christmas is just a one-day reminder of who we are every day of our lives. So this Christmas season – which I will now celebrate for 365 days long – I want to give each of you all the love I have inside. I love you each with all of my heart and I recognize in you all the beauty and divinity of this magical world. Even if I don’t know you yet, I love you regardless. I love you just because you are. I see God in you, because I know God is in me. And funny enough, this is “Namaste” – the light in me, recognizing and bowing to the light in you. So maybe in the end, Jesus and Yoga are a lot closer in essence than I first had thought.

This is the beautiful gift we have to give all year-long. When two people recognize the divine light they have living deep in their hearts, see it in each other, and know in that one moment, that we are all seeds of God’s love. Just as the entire tree is contained in that one little seed, our truest Christ-like nature is already contained in our hearts. It’s just a matter of time and a little tending to this seed before we allow it to begin to blossom and grow. And who knows? Maybe it will blossom fully this very year?! Maybe we will awaken to this over-flowing and abundant love we have inside this very day!

But if we don’t, there’s no need to feel frustrated or worry. Just as a tree does not grow in one day, we are not expected to sprout at supernatural speeds. And if we ever forget to tend to this seed of love inside, we should not fret. Life is good to us and time is our friend. For we will have another reminder of this beautiful truth, that we contain the seeds of Christ consciousness inside – in one year from now, and a year from then, and so on and so on. Christmas comes around once a year as a gentle reminder of who we really are.

Now I know it must feel you just sat through a long-winded sermon at your local church about Jesus and this whole Christmas fiasco. However, I am no pastor thumping a Bible from the pulpit claiming to be a possessor of truth (although I AM an ordained minister – thanks to a $40 check to the Universal Ministries Internet Church and my friends Danielle & Bryce who asked that I be the officiant at their wedding this past summer!). I simply, albeit quite extensively, wanted to share the interpretation the yogis have of the birth of Christ. If you don’t agree with any of this, rather than embarking on your next crusade, just remember, it is just that – an interpretation.

And I always say, nothing in this world means anything, unless it means something to you. When I heard this particular interpretation, I immediately felt it resonated with truth (for me) and I was completely inspired at the significance it brings to our world. So when I got out of silence, the first thing I wanted to do was share it with you all because I truly believe in the deepest meaning of “Namaste” – that the Divine in me, bows and honors the Divine in you. And if this message of hope, of the infinite love we carry inside that is powerful enough to save the world touched my soul, I was thinking that just maybe it would touch your’s as well this season.

So Namaste and I send you love for this new year and all the years ahead of us. I look forward to working side by side with each of you, in saving our world, alleviating suffering in our hearts and the hearts of others, healing the planet and shining forth a new light – one of absolute love and compassion, and forgiveness of all that came before. Maybe we can all gather those old “WWJD?” neon bracelets from the local Goodwill stores and wear them proudly, standing in a circle, placing our wrists together in solidarity and scream, “With our forces combined ….” and then of course, the completion of that sentence could be anything. Nothing will be impossible for us with our forces of love combined in this big beautiful world. So thank you for the gift you have given me – one of hope. Just because you are, just because you love, there is hope in this world for all of us. We will all be saved (we already are saved!), and we will all be the ones doing the saving. It’s as simple as choosing love, and what greater gift is there than that?

So this is the little belated, yet timeless gift I want to give each of you this post-holiday season. I wanted to tell you, to hopefully help you understand, that you are magnificent beyond your wildest imagination; you are divine beyond your most beautiful dreams. You can love more than you ever thought possible and your strength goes far beyond your physical body. Your true power and strength comes from your heart, from the compassion that lies deep inside for all of humanity and this beautiful Mother Earth. This compassion and love are the power of Life, or God within you.

Namaste.

I also posted these two videos below the slide show (not because John Lennon looks freakishly like Jesus), but because I think they’re the best bookends for this beautiful year, of every year.  So Happy Christmas (past) to everyone, and the war IS over – the one inside us and between us – if you want it.  You have the tools. You have the love.  And if you can’t see it, then maybe the next video will help you to do just that – to IMAGINE the world as it’s meant to be.  (Here’s a hint – you can play the video and listen to the music while looking at the pics from the slide show if you want!)

Love you all!

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