This phrase is written on so many pieces of paper taped all over the walls of my bungalow to help me question whether or not I am awake in “real” life, or if I am awake in a dream. (Spiritual nerd alert! This is an exercise to help with lucid dreaming, or being “conscious” in your dreams).

To tell you the truth, for the past five weeks when looking at these pieces of paper, I haven’t really been sure how to answer this enticing question!  My life has been so blissfully and breathtakingly beautiful, I couldn’t tell you if I was awake or if I was living in a perfect little dream!  I have shared the last month and a half with 25 other beautiful and inspiring women – belly dancing, performing Goddess rituals, growing, learning, laughing and so – much – love – that if you hooked me up to a lie detector test and asked me if I am dreaming, I would answer with a happy heart, huge smile and complete certainty that indeed I am!.

You see, this week marks the grand finale of my transformational time in Thailand – spinning, swirling, learning and loving my life as a Mystical Dance Teacher in training.  The course has been intense yet beautiful with countless memories made, friendships formed, dreams coming true and others just beginning ….

I have many stories to share, but as a sneak peek to future posts, I added a video below, highlighting our first dance offering performed almost five weeks ago at the beginning of the course.  Jumping back to present time though – in just two days, we will perform our final dance offering together as a group of goddesses!  (Hopefully your Vishuddha Chakra is working well and you were able to keep track of the leaps in time/space just now. And yes – second nerd alert – I definitely just referenced chakra properties in my blog post ….)

If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a video is worth a million!  And for those of you who have followed the blog, you will surely believe me when I say, I will attempt to say them all as there are so many stories to tell and moments of joy to share!  As the Mystical Dance Teacher Training draws to a close, other doors open and new paths begin.  I will be back to blogging and bringing you into my crazy world as a “Born Again Baby” once more!  As always, thank you for reading the blog and following along as I continue dancing down this crazy path called life.

For our first dance offering we performed Sufi whirling, veil dances, a sacred candle offering, a goddess dance using Dakini nails (“Dakini” is a tantric deity described as a female embodiment of enlightened energy), a Bollywood piece and of course …. a little (or a lot) of Shakira inspired hip action. And don’t worry,  for the last dance of the video, we have not gone mad or hysterical and no one was hauled away in a straight jacket.  This spiritual blessing dance coming from Morocco is called the “Guedra,” and involves repetitive head swirls meant to bring dancers into a state of trance or communion with the Divine. So don’t worry mom, we didn’t drink any “spiked” Kool-Aid in the hopes of being transported to another planet on the tail of some comet (because I know that’s what you were thinking!)

Take a peak at the video, behold all the divine beauty of my fellow friends and goddesses and then you may find yourself asking the question as well:  “Am I dreaming?”

And the answer is: Yes you are – we all are!

And what a beautiful dream it is …………….

Enjoy the video below and there will be more to come!

And best to express this emotion, however quite unconventionally, would be through the genius of Steve Martin’s key performance in The Jerk.  Simply substitute his excitement of phone books for Valentine’s Day and you will get a glimpse of my current state of being

Now that you have a clearer picture, I can continue …

From where I stand now, I find it funny how I used to loathe Valentine’s Day and all its forced commercialized expressions of love. I can be a pretty stubborn person and there’s not much I loathe more than someone telling me what to do, or especially how I should think or feel. So for the Nation of Hallmark to tell me I not only had to BE in love on this one day of the year (and if I wasn’t than I apparently suffered from some mutant strain of unloveableness), but also had to express that love through some goofy card containing sappy words written by someone else who obviously knows better than I how to express what I was supposed to be feeling, AND feeling the pressure to buy some sort of gift to symbolize that love (less I be deemed completely heartless), always irritated me to the point I felt far from that tender loving being portrayed in the ridiculous diamond jewelry commercials (And No! Ever kiss does not begin with “Kay”). On Valentine’s Day, I was more like a kamikaze crazed cupid shooting arrows of irritation and annoyance, rather than being the cute chubby little cherub of love.

But oh how the tides have turned here in Thailand and this love bird is now singing a different tune! This week’s Valentine’s experiences have made my heart soar to new heights and it has nothing to do with Hallmark or expensive dinner dates. Love is free and so much more simple than that. Love just IS. And for this year’s Valentine’s Day, I’ve gotten some of the sweetest reminders of that in the past few days.

It all started Monday night – the night before Valentine’s Day – with the evening session of my Dance Teacher Training (I know I haven’t written in a while which is actually partially due to the fact I’ve enrolled in a six-week dance teacher training that has taken up quite a large chunk of my time.) During our evening session, we ended with a very unique and quite tantric style meditation focused on sensations and going deep within ourselves. Now simmer down cowboy … before I explain what beauty occurred, I must say the following because it’s probably not what you’re thinking when I talk about a “Valentine’s Day tantric meditation that caused us to go deep”:

1. the teacher training is women only so no manly hanky-panky was involved with our tantric meditation. We have 26 incredible women in the group who have all become close in the past two and a half weeks. So this loving, sensation-based meditation contained no men and no sexual overtones.
   

   Beautiful Shaktis in Training with Workshop participants

    

2. And by “tantric” I do not mean anything kinky that involves certain physical acts mastered by musical artists such as Sting. “Tantra” is simply a spiritual path that EMBRACES all of life and seeks to see the Divine in everything – to fully love and live and appreciate the beauty of life around us. This is in comparison to the “Vedantic” path that chooses to see all of life as illusion and so renounces everything. Think of it this way: Aesthetics (those on the Vedantic path) choose to sit in a cave, starving themselves and turning away from the pleasures of the world because they are seen as a distraction to the path towards God. Tantric spiritualists however, choose to see everything as a creation of God, and so therefore should be honored and exalted. And this includes everything in life – even sexual activity, which is what has given “Tantra” its saucy overtones. For our meditation, although it was sensual, it had nothing to do with sexual activity or energy. Sorry if you are disappointed, but this isn’t going to be “that” kind of post.

Said meditation began with 13 women sitting crossed-legged on yoga mats, arranged in a circle surrounding the altar in the center of the yoga hall. The other 13 women brought blind-folds and covered our eyes, shutting off the sense of sight and therefore, heightening all the other senses. What ensued was an “Awakening of the Senses” through taste, touch, smell and sound.

For me, the meditation began almost as an act of torture rather than one of providing pure pleasure. I sat on the mat, blind-folded and actually feeling a bit nervous. I am one of those pleasure pleasers who feels at her best when she’s in the position to give, and therefore feels “weak” and extremely uncomfortable when having to simply sit back and receive the kindness of others gracefully. I’ve always had a problem feeling “worthy” of people’s kindness, and that if I wasn’t doing something for them or being perfect for them, then I absolutely didn’t deserve their gifts – especially not their love. Obviously this meditation was the perfect exercise for someone like me – I mean, who freaks out at sitting back to be massaged, caressed, loved and fed chocolate? These are not the “normal” items on typical lists of anxiety-inducing phobias.

Magical Monika explaining the "Tantra Buffet Bar"

While we sat there in the darkness of being blind-folded, the other 13 women brought around various sense activators to awaken our whole being. Through the sense of touch they caressed our arms with peacock feathers, massaged our hands, played with our hair, and even sprinkled ice water on our skin. While this blissful state of relaxation and peace was taking place, others would come around with incense, essential oils, lemons or orange rinds and wave them beneath our noses to awaken our sense of smell. As the women moved around the room, others would come by and softly ring chimes nearby so we could hear and feel the vibration, or whisper beautiful messages such as “You are loved” in our ear. The cherry on top were those women that came around waving pieces of ripe mango, banana or dark chocolate beneath our noses, then feeding it to us so we could savor the true taste of the sweet fruit or rich chocolate. I can truly say, I’m not sure I’ve ever really tasted chocolate until the other night. I’m usually more in the manner of shoving chocolate M&Ms in the mouth at an unconscious rate never really stopping to consider what they really taste like, or even if they taste good or not.

Through this exercise, magic began to occur for me. Sitting on those mats, blind to what was happening around me, my brain actually started to quiet down. The thoughts of “not deserving” these selfless acts of pleasure, or the feeling that I would have to “do” something in return to make it fair began to melt away from my brain. Instead, I was able to relax and sit back to simply experience and enjoy everything that was being given to me as a gorgeous loving gift.

Something else shifted as well. When I couldn’t see to mentally process what was taking place, all that was left was to surrender to the moment and experience exactly what was happening. I couldn’t “see” the mango being brought to me, so couldn’t begin that lightning-fast subconscious processing of “OH look, Marie is bringing me a mango and it will taste like “this” because I’ve had mangos in the past. Oh yea, and that one time in Guatemala when I was eating a mango, that was good, and oh yea, I was talking to my friend Harley while I was eating it and anyway, I wonder what he’s doing in Australia right now and …. (and it goes on and on with these thoughts that take you away from the pleasure and purity of the moment)”

Instead of traveling down the spiral head spin of random thoughts, I was simply a blank page open to whatever experience was presented to me in that eternal moment. With that sort of openness, when the mango was placed in my mouth, I tasted it for exactly what it was – right then, in that moment. It was letting go of every thought and just simply being present to whatever was in front of me. And wow, did that mango taste divine ….

It’s hard to describe in words what I was feeling without thought or rationalization. All I can think is that this must be what it’s like for a baby who is experiencing life for the first time. Babies have no learned behaviors or judgements or preconceived notions of what something is. They are just pure, trusting, open bundles of experience, living in the peaceful moment of the now, taking in whatever just IS. So for that 20 minutes of meditation, I was as open as an infant, being caressed, loved, experiencing beauty and pleasure, words of inspiration and tenderness being whispered in my ear. And the beautiful, yet unexpected realization, was that after only a few seconds of these gifts, I no longer felt uncomfortable to receive. I didn’t feel anything at all, except the love and sensation of whatever was before me.

It dawned on me how richer and more vibrant my life could be if I would just open to pleasure and happiness a bit more, appreciating the gifts around me. Doing this, and letting go of the feeling of constantly needing to work for it, to be worthy of it – this is a true spiritual practice. Love is there; it’s all around me – in the divine taste of that mango, the feeling of love I get from hugging a friend, the soft breeze on my neck, a beautiful piece of music, hearing a baby giggle, moving my body to music – and the list goes on and on and on, as infinite as life itself. This to me is Tantra; it is seeing the Divine in everything in your life and having deep appreciation and gratitude for those gifts. Funny how I could only realize and truly embody that when I shut off my mind and all I thought I knew about the world. It seems like, in this sense, the more “blind” we are, the more we actually SEE. Who knew when I actually slowed down and went within, that I could find God in a piece of chocolate?

Gifts of Grace

Girly Gifts Galore for Valentine's Day!

Now if this wasn’t enough to send my pre-Valentine celebration into excessive overdrive, I had plans to meet my friend and mentor/teacher, Allie, for a Valentine’s dinner after class. In the Agama program, the newer students are paired up with more senior teachers in a mentor program, and I am lucky enough to have Allie, who has been here five years and is a Being of total love, wisdom and goofiness (my favorite combination) as my mentor. We’re both quite similar and in fact, upon meeting my dance teacher Monika for the first time, she asked if I knew Allie as a friend because she said our personalities were so similar it was like she was talking to Allie (she said I had “Allie energy” about me). So apparently I was meeting my “twin soul” at my dinner date that evening.

Like I said, Allie is so fun and so unique. Having just recently ended a long-term relationship, and with me being perpetually single since my long-term relationship breakup over two years ago, we joked that we would be each other’s Valentine’s and go out on a dinner date. Apparently it wasn’t such a joke, because when I showed up, this bubbling beauty was dressed in red, ready to celebrate and showered me with Valentine’s presents! My most amazing mentor gave me a rose, a funny box of chocolates, stuffed animals and a 3D pop-out card! I was totally floored and felt completely blessed at her creative offerings, generosity and funny sense of humor when it came to making moments special. Typical of me on Valentine’s Day, I didn’t have a gift to return for her, but I tried to simply share my gratitude and once again, learn to simply receive gifts with grace, not feeling bad that I had to do anything in return to accept them.

We spent a long evening laughing and chatting, about love, about relationships, about our spiritual quests and all the weird and beautiful things taking place at the Agama Yoga school. Our already fulfilling and delightful conversation was only enhanced by the fact we were eating wood-fired pizzas (that had cheese!- which I haven’t had in almost three months!) and sharing a carafe of red wine at this quaint little French restaurant on the beach – yep, a beach in Thailand. With belly full, heart happy and so grateful I had met this amazing new soul-sister, I was thinking my Valentine’s Day festivities were too good to be true.

Oh but wait, there’s more. There always is …

Self-Love Letters

The next morning I awoke to the actual day of Valentine’s and Love. At the morning session of my dance TTC, Monika led us through slow and simple stretching, explaining the most important part of loving and being able to give love, was being able to love and give love to yourself. We solidified that fact through the stretches, feeling the luxury of melting into muscles and just breathing into the bodies we live inside every day. We then were instructed to take pieces of paper, pink envelopes and red heart stickers, and write secret love notes to ourselves.

In one sense, I felt I was in elementary school again (which I “secretly” adore those type of things!) because we were decorating these girly pink envelopes with sparkly red stickers and such. But then, looking deeper into the exercise, there was nothing “simple” or “childish” about what we were doing. That morning, we were given the time to simply write to ourselves and express our appreciation, our love and our longing for ourselves. I’m not sure if I’ve ever written myself a love letter before, but after reading what I wrote yesterday, I’m all for falling in love with me until death do I part! I mean, I am totally my type, and I knew exactly what I wanted and longed to hear! I think I found my soul mate – it’s that girl who appears in the bathroom mirror every morning while I’m brushing my teeth. The whole experience put me in a place of quiet reverence at the beauty and love we each carry inside. Everyone is seeking love, longing for it and yearning for it. By simply writing heart-felt words of love to myself, I felt that love I’m seeking is already somewhere deep inside me. I am the love I’m longing for! It’s just a matter of actually giving myself that love every day. So, my Valentine’s morning turned out quite surprising – my best date was, is and always will be – me.

Existing in the Realm of Angels

The rest of the day we practiced and prepared for our “Angel Offering” that evening. Monika has a special way of making every situation in life memorable and heart-felt. The woman truly is amazing and I am trying to soak up as much of her radiant brilliance as I can these six weeks. For Valentine’s Day, she created an offering for the whole school to join our Dance TTC in the gorgeous yoga hall on the beach for a performance and unique activity. The only “cost” was that all participants had to come dressed in white and be willing to open their hearts to the experience.

Angel Prepping ...

My fellow Shakti Teachers in Training arrived at the hall around 5:30pm to transform ourselves into a host of angels that would host the party. Every woman dressed in pure white, with gold or silver belts, jewelry, adoration and sparkles all over. Looking around the room, I was completely floored by the beauty I saw. My fellow Shakti-sisters are some of the most stunning and divine beings I’ve ever had the great fortune to witness. These are the moments I put one hand on my heart and one on my belly, close my eyes and just start giggling. I mean, really? How did I get here and how am I so lucky to be a part of this?! I chose to wear gold that evening and I was hoping it was glittering even more brightly with the love and light beaming from my happy heart.

To commemorate the experience, we had an Angel photo shoot down on the beach in front of the setting sun. This in itself could have been a performance. It was hilarious to me to see the looks on some of the late-day sun bathers when 26 women dressed divinely in white and wearing angel wings came floating down the beach. I’m guessing this isn’t something you see too much on a day-to-day basis – although maybe if we were better at perceiving the truth of reality it would be.

After we had our heavenly hey-day on the beach, snapping fun photos and relishing in each others’ beauty and sparkles, it was then time to return to the hall for the festivities to begin. Before anyone began to arrive, as we always do, we spent a half hour in devotion and appreciation to the divine. That evening, we each went around and invoked the angels – any we chose – to be with us and bless us for the evening. Now whether you believe in angels or all this invoking spirits type of thing, I think most people can appreciate spending time in gratitude in general for the gifts that are about to be received. That’s all we were doing, was simply saying our gratitude out loud for the chance to be a part of this evening. And invoking angels is simply setting intentions. We all invoked angels of unconditional love, harmony, grace, play, joy, peace and so much more. We were simply aligning ourselves to those feelings in the Universe and asking they come through us that evening as we hosted an offering of love to all those in attendance.

Heaven is located in a yoga hall in Thailand

Feeling love and harmony, play and bliss was easy enough just being in the stage that was set that evening. The hall was covered with white cloth, white christmas lights, candles, flowers, incense and altars everywhere. As the guests arrived, my friend Blair and I stood outside offering essential oil of either Sandalwood or Rose – a little touch right on their heart center to welcome them in. There was spiced tea and chocolate treats awaiting everyone as well. To help the “mingling” (it was Valentine’s day after all) the men chose half a heart from one basket and the women chose half a heart from a different basket. Each heart had pairs written upon it such as night/day, Shiva/Shakti, Adam/Eve, and so on. The men and women were to browse around and find their “other half” just as a simple way to make new friends and meet new people (however the Agama community is so small and tight-knit that everyone knows everyone already). Other “angels” were walking around offering angel oracle cards and other special treats.

As everyone filed inside, they sat in a huge circle in the hall and we angels in training offered two dances for the group. The first was a candle dance we had created, and the other was a dance of the veils we performed with our partners. My partner was Leela, an incredibly amazing woman from Canada. We had really bonded the past few days as we’d practiced our veil dance together and been partners in various meditations. There’s something so serious, yet so innocent about Leela and when she dances, you can see her true essence. (This is something I’m LOVING about witnessing all the dancing! It’s not about the moves, it’s about how you let yourself out through movement. Watching someone dance is like falling in love with their soul.)

My own angel, Leela

Earlier in the night before the performance began, she and I were getting ready and taking pictures around the hall. In one moment, she handed me this foot jewelry piece another girl from our group makes and sells. They are delicate strings of beads and crystals that you wear around your ankle and anchor on your second toe. As we are always dancing barefoot, many of the girls wear them as decoration. I’d always wanted one, but as I’m trying to stretch my budget here on the island, I’d never thought of purchasing one. Leela hands me the foot piece, and asks me to try it on. Completely oblivious to everything, I assumed she was wanting to test the size or something. It fit my foot perfectly (and was too big for her tiny little feet) and so she said she wanted me to have it, because she loved me and it was Valentine’s Day. To this I protested and felt it was just too much. I felt even more in awe at the depth of Leela’s heart and generosity, and couldn’t believe she was offering me this beautiful piece of jewelry. With this latest gift of the heart, I was beginning to feel all the gifts I’d received in the past few days – and weeks were just too much. The love and generosity from those around me was almost crushing my little heart. With tears in my eyes and at that point, just feeling speechless at her love and life in general, I hugged her and accepted the beautiful gift.

The Ultimate Gift of Receiving

Later, as the “performance” part of the evening came to a close, we prepared for the main event called an “Angel Walk.” As a finale, we invited all guests to join us in making two large concentric circles on the outskirts of the hall, with the participants in one circle facing the others. We stood close enough as to make a circular channel or tunnel around the room. Then, one by one, someone at the beginning of the circle was instructed by one of the “angels” to simply close their eyes, open their hearts, take a deep breath and connect to their center. It was time for them to experience the realm of the angels. At this point, this blissed-out soul would begin walking down the channel of people with their eyes closed and simply open to receive. Those in the two circles respectfully and tenderly caressed the person as they walked past – brushing their arms, their face, their feet, their head and hair. Some people whispered sweet things into others ears, some gave hugs, and others grabbed hands to slowly turn the person in a circle, as if slow dancing.

For me, it was spellbinding enough to be the one giving the love. I witnessed the whole evening as person by person came through and we all gathered around them, just giving them love, support and happy, peaceful touch and thoughts. Some people cried and you could tell they’ve known such pain in their lives that it was almost too much to feel this loved and taken care of. Some people laughed and giggled from sheer joy and some people just walked through with looks of awe on their faces. I felt so in love just brushing the hair back from my friends, and sometimes complete strangers faces. My favorite thing to do was to lean in and whisper close to their ear that “You are Perfect. You are sooooo loved.” And the looks of relief and joy on people’s faces when they heard these simple little words, was enough to make me want to cry. Some people would just laugh with relief upon hearing it and others would begin to cry. I understood then how powerful words can be when spoken from the heart. I wasn’t simply saying these words because they sounded sweet and nice. When I spoke it to them, when I saw each of these people in front of me, I TRULY TRULY knew they are perfect and they are absolutely loved no matter what. I just wanted them to feel it and know it as well.

When it was my turn to walk through the “tunnel of love” I no longer felt nervous about receiving. After witnessing almost half the guests come through, and especially witnessing the outpouring of love from everyone in the line, I felt completely at home and taken care of in a room full of newly found friends as well as “strangers.” I walked through that circle feeling such intense love from everyone. My face and hands were caressed, I was hugged and rocked. People would say my name and whisper words of love and encouragement to me. Some danced with me and some just held me – and the most beautiful thing was I had no idea who was doing any of it. And it didn’t matter. It wasn’t creepy. It was a room of loving people just wanting me to feel that love. I don’t know how long I was in that circle, but when I got to the other end and opened my eyes, I wondered if this was the slightest inclination of what heaven would feel like. At that point, dressed in my white and gold with wings strapped to my back, I truly felt like I was an angel and living in the realm of love.

My Unexpected Valentine’s Date

As if the Angel Walk experience weren’t enough to send me flying to the moon, my Valentine’s night of bliss continued with even more unexpected generosity from new-found friends. I had recently become friends with Eugene, a man from Romania and one of the “teachers of the teachers” at Agama. We’d only known each other a week and had gone to lunch once, so I was surprised when he approached me after the evening’s activities and gave me a Valentine’s gift. He said he could tell I was a “nerd” and so bought me a book that had come highly recommended from a friend. It was “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” and about a strong independent woman, so he said he hoped I’d like it. I was really touched and thanked him for his gift. He also informed me that he had his friend buy a hard-drive in Bangkok and bring it back for me because I had said I was looking for another (since I’ve already filled my 1Terabite hard-drive with spiritual documents since I’ve been here!). Again, I was really touched by his generosity and gifts. He wanted to go to dinner, but I had to decline as I was meeting a friend to discuss a secret project we’d come up with just this past weekend.

So I said goodnight to Eugene and his beautifully unexpected yet very touching gifts, and found my friend Aykut, a Turkish guy from my Level four yoga class. We’d come up with this group idea the previous Saturday and wanted to get together to organize it and get it going. Since the yoga hall is on the beach, we walked out to the water to get some fresh air and sat down on the sea wall. Aykut, being such the gentleman that he is, pulled out some home-made Kambucha (fermented tea that is considered “yogi beer”), a chocolate brownie and some banana cake to celebrate our meeting on Valentine’s Day. Although we are just friends, our official “secret” meeting seemed more like a really sweet Valentine’s Day date.

So for the countless time in the past few days, I sat there in awe of the beautiful gifts that were being given to me from everyone around me. Sitting on that sea wall beneath the dark night sky filled with twinkling stars and sharing some of the best banana cake and Kambucha I’d ever had while chatting about life with Aykut, I realized that love manifests in many different forms – through significant others, through thoughtful gifts shared with newly-made friends, for the love I feel for the dazzling night sky or the taste of chocolate icing. It’s all love and I was surrounded by it on this very special Valentine’s Day.

As we wrapped up our discussions of the project, left our spot on the beach and said goodnight, I began thinking about how it had really turned out to be one of the most surprising and memorable Valentine’s Days of my life. During my bicycle ride home beneath the stars that night, although I was technically all alone with no true love waiting for me when I returned to my home, I thought about how truly loved I felt regardless. The heart-felt generosity and outpouring of love I had felt from friends and complete strangers in the past 48 hours was enough to make my heart swell and my eyes to shed tears of humbled gratitude at the love around me.

Grateful for the Gifts of Love in my Life

You know, I’m always seeking the Divine, wanting to touch this feeling or this “spirit” that I sense is so real but always eludes me. It’s why I am living on an island in Thailand doing yoga; it’s why I have changed my entire life over the past couple of years to fully focus on this Truth. On this Valentine’s Day, I absolutely knew my true love had tangibly reached back down to me and caressed my cheek with tender love. I felt this unconditional love that is the great spirit of life we all seek, yet can never fully “touch,” had made itself manifest in those around me so that it could express its love for me. The whole series of events, my whole life for that matter, was a perfectly executed plan to help me feel, know and experience that love. If I hadn’t learned to shut down my mind and simply surrender myself to the beauty of receiving love and pleasure during the “Awakening the Senses” meditation, I may have missed all the gifts that came after. So life first taught me to open to the gifts, and then began to shower me with them.

And I realized the manifestation of Diving Love is what and who we really are in this life. My friends and this life we live are all expressions of the love of the Creator – IT can’t touch us, or speak to us, or give us gifts in this physical world, but it can work through those beautiful souls that surround us. Each expression of love, whether it was Valentine’s chocolates from Allie, or unexpected jewelry from beautiful Leela, the tender caresses of complete strangers, books from Eugene or banana cake from Aykut – these are all “God/Unconditional Love/Divine Spirit” making itself present here on Earth. With such love surrounding me, knowing that this illusive feeling of unconditional love, sheer joy and peace I know exists yet have never been able to hold in my arms or talk with one on one, had made itself known to me through the actions and gifts of my friends, I don’t know how I could ever feel alone in this world. When I fully grasp the concept that this energy of unconditional love actually exists as something so True and real, and that it loves me beyond any measure, making itself known to me so I can tangibly feel its presence and love, I feel that sheer joy and peace in my heart. This absolute love is all around me and in everything and everyone I see. Looking back on the blessed gifts I’d received in the past two days, I realized that each of these divine moments and actions were the gentle voice of the Creator whispering softly in my ear, “You are Perfect. You are sooooooo loved.”

So, inspired by love, I felt I should write a few love letters to the world to express my gratitude and admiration for everything around me ….

Dear Beloved Universe:

Everything I have and everything I am, you have given me. Thank you with all my heart. I love you.

Dear Born Again Baby Blog Survivor,

Since you’re reading this, it means you’ve stuck with me through marathon blog posts and marathon lack of posting. Your perseverance and presence to read my stories and thoughts humbles me. Thank you for your kindness. This is me, Andrea, playing the role of Jerry Maguire, when I say, “You complete me.” (Because if someone in Thailand wrote words on a blog and no one was there to read them, would they make a sound?)

Dear Family and Friends,

You – you – you – bring me joy. You teach me lessons. You make me laugh. You make me feel love. There are no words to express my gratitude. There are no words to express how much I love you. And for me to not have words …. well, that basically says it all. So, to you I express ______________ and _________________ (please fill in the blanks with the highest feeling of love, bliss, awe and gratitude).

Dear Trees,

I’ve always been obsessed with you. Every time I see one of you, I feel strangely at home and that you are my friend. Weird, I know. But I love you so much I had to include you.

Dear Banana Cake at the Thongsala Night Market,

You bring me joy. I forgive you that you contain sugar. I would forgive myself for eating that sugar, but actually, you’re so delightfully tasty that I don’t even feel sorry for eating you.

Dear Dancing,

You’ve awakened my heart. You are my heart. Thank you for saving me and showing me what my heart looks like when it moves. My love and gratitude for you cannot be expressed in words, but only in highly-dramatic interpretive dance. So …. here it goes …. (this love letter temporarily interupted by intense shaking and spinning and lots of twirling and leaping)

That’s it.

PS – I hope you liked it

Agama Yoga School

But first things first – a little administrative cleanup. So some of you may be a bit confused about the posting and I feel the need to quickly explain any sort of time-line gaps in the blogging. I’m actually in Thailand right now, living on Koh Phangan island and attending Agama Yoga school. I’ve actually been here since the 7^th of November!   All stories and posts about Israel were actually written here in Thailand, but were pre-dated to add to the illusion that I was actually on top of my game and able to write everything I was doing WHILE I was doing it. This is very much NOT the case and extremely not true, aka – for all you yogis out there, this is NOT an example of Satya ….  (sorry for any misleading)! The truth is, I’m NEVER on top of my game! But as an attempt to rectify that fact, I will definitely continue to write my travel stories and back-date them in an attempt to catch up with all that’s happened.

I have been very busy since I got to this little island in Thailand, attending yoga classes, workshops, making friends, building a life and now, embarking on a silent retreat, which means, not a lot of time to write – which is why I came here in the first place! But as the New Year has come around and everyone just loves to make resolutions, I resolve to write thoughts and events while they are happening to avoid further time-lapse confusion. It will be high up on my list right after “Get Enlightened” and “stop drinking so much hot chocolate with honey right before bed.” So, hopefully that pretty much clears up any confusion and catches you up on the logistics. Stay tuned for the details of the above mentioned items in future randomly dated posts!

My Bungalow View: Where I do most of my writing

Now back to our regularly scheduled programming.

Like I said above, I chose to spend this year’s Christmas and New Years in complete silence and meditation during the retreat supported by the yoga school I’m attending. I figured since I am away from home and away from all the people I love all around the world, spending this time in meditation focused on sending love to all humanity (which conveniently includes all the people I love in all the countries spread out across the globe) and the planet itself, was probably my best option.

However, it’s not like I had a tough choice to make. My only other option was trying to find some sort of noodle dish I can attempt to form into the shape of a turkey to stuff my face with, sitting in my bungalow alone listening to Elvis’ Christmas album streaming from the internet which would undoubtedly result in almost every song cutting out randomly due to the shoddy internet connection, and getting cracked out on multiple cups of 100% cacao and honey causing me to spin and twirl and dance in front of the fan a la Flashdance style (think, “She’s a Maniac …. Maniac!!!”) I mean, which would you choose?

Here in Thailand its a tropical beach paradise, and not too many Thais are into celebrating the Christian Christmas holiday, so getting into the true holiday spirit tends to be a stretch of imagination. I mean, the closest thing I got to a “Winter Wonderland” was typing the words, “Let it Snow” into the Google search bar and watching the computer-animated snowflakes fill the screen, or opening my refrigerator to witness how the freezer component had gone haywire and was almost completely covered in freezer frost, which when blurring your eyes, kind of looked like a mini winter ice paradise (minus the bag of rotting vegetable and food scraps I have to keep in there so the various armies of ants do not swarm the leftovers and infiltrate my kitchen).

Not wanting to stoop to those pathetic levels, I chose the higher path of sitting in a yoga hall for 10 hours each day, for 10 days straight, trying to calm my mind, focus my attention and open my heart to find love in myself and give love to the world. Come to think of it, the choice was easy. What else would I really rather be doing with my time than learning to love myself, love others and love this life around me? It sounded beautiful, and it was. It ended up being the best Christmas gift I’ve ever given myself, although it was the hardest to find, “get” and receive.

Bovy Beach - Our Holiday Hangout Swim Spot

The whole experience kicked off with a pre-retreat informational meeting followed by a yogi Christmas party, held on Thursday evening, December 22^nd since many people would be entering into silence on the following day at 7am for the retreat. I spent that entire Thursday hanging out with my friend Mark, a yoga teacher at the school and a Chi Nei Tsang, or abdominal massage miracle worker, who is saving the world one budding yogi and energetically blocked belly at a time. I was scheduled to get an abdominal massage with him that morning, but had received a different treatment the previous evening from another practitioner and so was in no condition to further have my belly poked and prodded to release any more built up energy. Instead, we spent the day swimming in the warm and sparkling waters of the sea – yes, on December 23^rd – floating about and discussing all yogi-approved topics such as quantum physics, the science of magic and discussing the politics of the yoga school. You know, all those things you tend to talk about during the holidays …

Later that afternoon, I attended the informational meeting where we were given the retreat schedule and guidelines. The days were divided into two session. In the morning, we were to arrive at 7am, have two hours of meditation, followed by one hour of Hatha yoga, then two additional hours of meditation. Our lunch break was from Noon – 3:30pm at which time the afternoon session would begin, consisting of two hours of meditation, one hour of self-guided Hatha yoga, an hour of question and answer session by the Swami, and then one last hour of meditation.   It sounded intense and I worried, as my mom once coined the phrase, I may be “over-meditated.”

Rainer, Agama’s business manager and a stern, unsmiling German man, read off the rules and guidelines, giving an overview of the retreat intentions focusing on Christmas and the New Year. I was accustomed to rules of silence and meditation, but was really surprised to hear such an emphasis on Jesus and his symbolic birth as a focus for our retreat. Jesus and yoga are not too words I would have readily put together when playing word association games. It was so far from the misfiring of my connective brain synapses, that when Rainer mentioned in his thick German accent, that we would be watching the movie, “Jesus of Nazareth” as part of the retreat, I thought he said, “Cheeses of Nazareth” instead.

Is Cheese the missing piece of the spiritual puzzle?

My ears perked up then and I thought “Great!” – a documentary about the various artisanal cheeses of Nazareth and hopefully how they can lead you to truth and enlightenment by ingesting them all! That would most definitely be a path I’d consider following. Foodie fantasies aside however, my rational brain stepped back in and I quickly decided he must be saying “Jesus” not “cheeses” as it was the Christmas retreat and all (although I’ve had quite a few darn good cheese logs during the Christmas holidays in the past). Anyway, always trying to have an open mind, I simply made note that we would be discussing Jesus as part of our path to enlightenment and then made a resolution that I would not let my mind wander during meditation and begin daydreaming about eating yummy, creamy cheese (something I have not had since arriving in Thailand!) during any of my meditations.

(This is just a sample of the documentary I thought we would be using as fuel for our meditation)

After the informational meeting ended, I stuck around the yoga hall with Mark and helped put up Christmas decorations for that evening’s party. Mark, a burly and peacefully wild Scottish man, had been put in charge of making the yoga hall look fancy and festive for the celebration. To my surprise, this ex-rafting guide and extreme sports guru had a flair for arranging plastic sparkly snowflakes, brightly colored iridescent ornaments and tangled bundles of Christmas lights (thankfully SOME traditions stay the same – no matter what country you are in, there is always the ceremonious untangling of the gnarled Christmas light cluster).

The Yoga Hall of Holiday Cheer

We put Santa hats on our heads, turned up the Scottish jig music and did our best to transform a semi-open-air yoga hall, located on the beach in Thailand, into a winter paradise of holiday happiness. By the end, it was looking as festive as could be, especially due to a bag of random pink balloons we found and had decided to blow up and let blow all over the yoga floor. In the end, the whole yoga hall, complete with random strands of lights, plastic ornaments taped to the walls and bubble-gum pink balloons drifting around the room, resembled a low-budget middle school dance party with a Merry Valentine’s Day theme due to township budget cuts resulting in the combination of winter holidays. I looked around and smiled at the random places I end up in my life and the ability to adjust to new traditions in any country I seem to find myself.

Later that evening, all the teachers and Agama yoga students gathered in the hall to sit around the Christmas tree, sing Christmas carols and then exchange random gifts we were all told to bring. Wanting to be funny, I had originally planned on wrapping up a random bottle of ketchup I’d recently acquired (and had no idea what I would use it for) but upon further reflection, felt that would probably incur bad Karma as some sorry soul would open it and be bitterly disappointed at the quality of the one gift they received that year. So instead, I went out and bought a jar of Nutella and wrapped it up with a little knitted elephant key chain – two things I was just sure anyone would love.

Santa and his flying reindeer - yoga style

My friends Gabriel, Layla and Deniz entertained us all with acro yoga feats and as the night wore down, we all headed down to the beach for a bonfire as a perfect end to our random holiday celebration. I realized that whether you are sipping eggnog from a Christmas mug or water from a fresh coconut, or sitting around a fire whether it be on a beach or in a hearth, the whole holiday is about sharing love and good feelings with friends, either new or old, and with family, even if it’s the family you make for yourself while you are away from your’s.

That night, I said goodbye and “see you soon” to my fast-made friends as some would be traveling home for the holidays and others I wouldn’t be seeing or talking with for the next 10 days. The retreat started early the next morning and I prepared, as much as one can, to spend the next few days in deep contemplation and opening my heart and mind to whatever would come through and shine forth for this special holiday season and the turn of the New Year to the long-awaited and highly anticipated 2012.

The retreat was powerful and beyond my expectations, which actually I had none as I find it best to just be open and take everything as it comes.  I’m glad I had no expectations, good or bad, for the focus upon Jesus, because it turned out to be one of the most eye-opening and heart-opening experiences I’ve had.  As I mentioned before, the first few days were completely focused on the birth of Jesus and what it truly means in a yogic sense, to this world and each of us – regardless of whether we call ourselves Christians or not. Swami read us inspiring passages about the life of Jesus, the absolute and unconditional love, acceptance and compassion he lived, and who he truly was in a Universal sense. Not being the biggest fan of religion, normally this would have left me running (or at the time, meditatively walking with purpose) and screaming (silently that is) to the door of the yoga hall and away from the fundamentalist propaganda I normally associate with fanatical and evangelical Jesus-adoring behavior. Instead, I found the yogi interpretation of the birth of Jesus and the life of Christ so inspirational and beautiful, that it filled my heart with love and I started to see Jesus and his story in a completely new light.

Illumined Heart and Mind

Swami explained, regardless of whether you are a Christian, or if you believe that Jesus was the son of God or actually walked this Earth, there is something very significant about the story of his birth, and his life. Jesus symbolizes a human who was born to show the world that through unconditional love, perfect forgiveness and absolute compassion, a human being can be filled with the consciousness of God, the Christ Consciousness. By acting in this way, in perfect love, one acts just as God “acts” so can be brought into a complete understanding of the God nature, or enlightenment.  The halo often seen around Jesus’ head (and those of other saints) is symbolic of “enlightenment” of the consciousness, or the “Crown Chakra” in yogi speak.

What I find as the most miraculous component of that equation is: Jesus was a human + you are a human + I am a human = we are all capable of loving, forgiving and living the way Jesus did, which further = that we are all capable of being filled with the perfect love of God, of the Christ Consciousness. We may feel we are millions and millions of miles away from ever coming close to being like Jesus, or possessing his “powers,” but the truth is, the seed of that Christ Consciousness is planted in each and every one of us. It resides deep within our hearts and we each have the potential to let that seed grow as we blossom into our truth – that we are as infinitely blessed with love and light as God himself.

This is what the yogis believe, that just as Jesus was a man who fully awakened to the power of God’s love within, through practice and perfecting our minds and hearts, we too can awaken to that same love. Jesus showed us the way and the truth of who we really are.

WWJD? He'd definitely sport one of these!

This is the sort of thing we meditated upon each day, awakening to deeper love within us and living like Jesus did. Swami boiled it down to one trite statement, that has been so over-used and mis-used in the past that it definitely has its rightful place in the cliché hall of fame. Swami said that it’s as simple as asking yourself that simple question in every situation: “What would Jesus do?” (And if you forget, I’m sure you can find one of those neon colored synthetic wrap bracelets circa 1995 with the bold black letters, “WWJD?” stitched in it to remind you.)

Now if you don’t want to don the tacky pseudo-fashion reminder, you have another option. It comes in the form of a yearly reminder and practice that helps you focus your attention and actions on living the way Jesus did. And this special time comes around every 365 days, on December 25^th. It’s called Christmas. The yogis see Christmas as our yearly celebration and remembrance of the fact that we have the seed of Divine love, of the Christ Consciousness (which to me IS Diving Love) planted deep in our hearts, just waiting to be tended to and grow forth from each of us. To the yogis, this is the true symbolic meaning of celebrating the birth of Christ each December; it is the birth of Christ within us.

Sun Standing Still for three days time

Think about it. How do we know Jesus was really born on December 25^th? And why do so many other cultures choose this particular date as the birth of their “son of God” as well? It always begins with the winter solstice, December 22^nd, or the longest, darkest day of the year. It’s in the darkest moments when we can go no further, that our light has to dawn. It can’t get any darker and there’s nothing to do but bring forth the light to the dawn of a new day, a new era. Astronomically, the sun dips to the lowest horizon and seems to stay there for three days time. This is actually the definition of solstice; it means “sun stands still.” So the sun dips to its lowest place and stays down/still for three days, and only then begins to rise, is “born” on December 25^th – three days later (sounds like the three days Jesus was in the tomb too doesn’t it?)

So the birth of Christ is the birth of light in this world. It is the Light that saves the world from darkness. And this light is within each of us. The power to save the world from darkness lies deep within each of us, in our ability to love, forgive and have compassion for our fellow-man and this beautiful planet.

With that, I also have one last little tidbit of interesting mental musings:

For all those people waiting around for the second coming of Christ, here’s another little treat I’ll bestow this (post) Christmas season. The second coming of Christ is already here. It’s just that we aren’t looking in the right place. We sit here waiting for an arrival of some person, some being or idea or movement to save us, to relieve this suffering we feel in our hearts. But as we’re looking outside, the answer to the biggest puzzle is that we should turn around, turn within and look inside. When you seek so fervently, it’s always the last place you think to look. We look outside and we wait. But really it’s inside, and it’s right now.

You see, the second coming of Christ is all around us and within us. It’s you. It’s me. It’s the person in front of you in line at the grocery store. It’s the homeless person on the street begging for your assistance and it’s the elected official making decisions affecting our day-to-day lives. It’s the CEO of the company leaning over the boardroom table making decisions and it’s the school boy learning to play the violin. It’s in everyone and it is everyone. Together, we must awaken to this love within us and begin to shine it forth to our fellow living beings, creatures and planet. Each of us is the hero in this story and we all receive the glory of our actions. We are the love and the compassion and the forgiveness that will save this world. The second coming of Christ is the awakening of the latent Christ Consciousness inside each of us.

So what the yogis are saying is that we are the chosen ones, all of us! And Christmas is a time that comes around every year, every 365 days to remind us, to jog our memories that we are this light that has come to save the world from its sins. On Christmas, it’s not only Jesus’ birthday, but it’s your birthday as well! If you look at the story from that perspective, it makes sense:

• the Virgin Mary is symbolic of a “virgin” or pure body that is able to bring forth life on its own, just like we are completely whole and able to bring forth this light we have inside on our own accord. (We don’t need any hanky panky with another person to get that light shining from our hearts– we can do it on our own!)
• Mary is “impregnated” by the Holy Spirit – The Holy Spirit is OUR own Higher Self, our soul, the part of ourself that is still intimately connected with God – the bridge between God and who we are in this manifested world. So to activate our Christ Consciousness, our “Holy Spirit” or soul has to be awakened and choose to see everyone as part of one love, and to share our love with our fellow human beings
• Jesus is born in a manager, and not a palace. Ever wonder why that was part of the story? This is symbolic that everyone – not just the royal or wealthy – is capable of being born to their Divine nature. Even those being born in a manager, or a gutter, have the seed of Christ Consciousness inside them – they are JUST AS Divine as the highest of the high.
• A new star shines in the sky guiding and directing the shepherd and three wise men to the place of the birth. This “new star” is in fact us! In esoteric symbolism, the sun, our central star in our solar system, is representative of God, the giver of unconditional light and life. When a new star shines in the sky, it is symbolic that a new Christ Consciousness has awoken and now burns brightly with love. This star is you – when you awaken to your true nature inside, you join God in the infinite expanse of space as a new and miraculous star, shining brilliantly for all to see.

The symbolism could go on and on, but I will spare you that as this post is already reaching epic lengths. (Sorry – I mean, 30 hours (in just the first three days of the retreat) of deep contemplation on this subject spawned a lot of inspired ideas!)

However, as an entertaining side note, and a window into my “strange” mind, I thought I’d share that I actually used to be filled with panic and anxiety when I was a pre-teen and first became “fertile,”  praying to God all the time begging him to please NOT make me the next Virgin Mary.  I just wanted Him to know that I was NOT down with taking on the role of being the next mother of Jesus.  I mean, I wanted to go to dance class (not easy to do when carrying the son of God to full term) and hang out with friends at the mall (not stay at home and nurse the savior of the world on Friday nights).   It’s so funny, somewhere in my mind I had this feeling that I actually had a running chance, or could very well be chosen to give birth to the next Christ child (crazy I know!)  But, looking at the second coming of Christ as something that blossoms from our hearts, maybe I was just tuned in at an early age to the fact that we are ALL chosen to be the next symbolic “Virgin Mary” and give birth to the light of the world?  Good news is, now I’m ready for it!  So instead of prayers and pleading to keep that creepy Holy Spirit away from my fertile loins, I say “Bring it on!”  If my hips were made for birthing, then so is my heart …  Anyway, now you probably think I’m weirder than ever  What 12-year-old worries about being the next mother of God?  Hmm.  That would be me.  No wonder I am in Thailand spending my Christmas meditating on love and light to heal the world …

Anyway, away from my strange psychosis and back to this beautiful idea of  how we can all heal the world with light and love.  So each December, we have a moment to come together, get in touch with the love we have in our hearts and give to this world. Think about what we really do at Christmas. We collectively join together and shine our love forth as a way of trying to remember who we really are. We hug each other, we give (symbolically with presents) to each other, we forgive each other and we share with each other. At one time in the year, we all gather to manifest love in whatever way we possibly can. And in this moment, we are closest to our true nature than ever. In this moment, we are acting in the way that God acts. We are loving from our hearts and shining it forth – like the brightest star in the sky. We don’t judge or discriminate who gets our light, just as the sun does not pick and choose who receives its life-giving warmth and love. We just shine because that is our true nature – to be love and to give love.

I love you!

And even though it’s past Christmas and I couldn’t share this with you on that special day due to my lips being tightly sealed and my fingers banned from the keyboard, it doesn’t matter. Christmas is just a one-day reminder of who we are every day of our lives. So this Christmas season – which I will now celebrate for 365 days long – I want to give each of you all the love I have inside. I love you each with all of my heart and I recognize in you all the beauty and divinity of this magical world. Even if I don’t know you yet, I love you regardless. I love you just because you are. I see God in you, because I know God is in me. And funny enough, this is “Namaste” – the light in me, recognizing and bowing to the light in you. So maybe in the end, Jesus and Yoga are a lot closer in essence than I first had thought.

This is the beautiful gift we have to give all year-long. When two people recognize the divine light they have living deep in their hearts, see it in each other, and know in that one moment, that we are all seeds of God’s love. Just as the entire tree is contained in that one little seed, our truest Christ-like nature is already contained in our hearts. It’s just a matter of time and a little tending to this seed before we allow it to begin to blossom and grow. And who knows? Maybe it will blossom fully this very year?! Maybe we will awaken to this over-flowing and abundant love we have inside this very day!

But if we don’t, there’s no need to feel frustrated or worry. Just as a tree does not grow in one day, we are not expected to sprout at supernatural speeds. And if we ever forget to tend to this seed of love inside, we should not fret. Life is good to us and time is our friend. For we will have another reminder of this beautiful truth, that we contain the seeds of Christ consciousness inside – in one year from now, and a year from then, and so on and so on. Christmas comes around once a year as a gentle reminder of who we really are.

Officially officiating

Now I know it must feel you just sat through a long-winded sermon at your local church about Jesus and this whole Christmas fiasco. However, I am no pastor thumping a Bible from the pulpit claiming to be a possessor of truth (although I AM an ordained minister – thanks to a $40 check to the Universal Ministries Internet Church and my friends Danielle & Bryce who asked that I be the officiant at their wedding this past summer!). I simply, albeit quite extensively, wanted to share the interpretation the yogis have of the birth of Christ. If you don’t agree with any of this, rather than embarking on your next crusade, just remember, it is just that – an interpretation.

And I always say, nothing in this world means anything, unless it means something to you. When I heard this particular interpretation, I immediately felt it resonated with truth (for me) and I was completely inspired at the significance it brings to our world. So when I got out of silence, the first thing I wanted to do was share it with you all because I truly believe in the deepest meaning of “Namaste” – that the Divine in me, bows and honors the Divine in you. And if this message of hope, of the infinite love we carry inside that is powerful enough to save the world touched my soul, I was thinking that just maybe it would touch your’s as well this season.

So Namaste and I send you love for this new year and all the years ahead of us. I look forward to working side by side with each of you, in saving our world, alleviating suffering in our hearts and the hearts of others, healing the planet and shining forth a new light – one of absolute love and compassion, and forgiveness of all that came before. Maybe we can all gather those old “WWJD?” neon bracelets from the local Goodwill stores and wear them proudly, standing in a circle, placing our wrists together in solidarity and scream, “With our forces combined ….” and then of course, the completion of that sentence could be anything. Nothing will be impossible for us with our forces of love combined in this big beautiful world. So thank you for the gift you have given me – one of hope. Just because you are, just because you love, there is hope in this world for all of us. We will all be saved (we already are saved!), and we will all be the ones doing the saving. It’s as simple as choosing love, and what greater gift is there than that?

So this is the little belated, yet timeless gift I want to give each of you this post-holiday season. I wanted to tell you, to hopefully help you understand, that you are magnificent beyond your wildest imagination; you are divine beyond your most beautiful dreams. You can love more than you ever thought possible and your strength goes far beyond your physical body. Your true power and strength comes from your heart, from the compassion that lies deep inside for all of humanity and this beautiful Mother Earth. This compassion and love are the power of Life, or God within you.

Namaste.

I also posted these two videos below the slide show (not because John Lennon looks freakishly like Jesus), but because I think they’re the best bookends for this beautiful year, of every year.  So Happy Christmas (past) to everyone, and the war IS over – the one inside us and between us – if you want it.  You have the tools. You have the love.  And if you can’t see it, then maybe the next video will help you to do just that – to IMAGINE the world as it’s meant to be.  (Here’s a hint – you can play the video and listen to the music while looking at the pics from the slide show if you want!)

Love you all!

Love isn’t always easy, but it’s always worth the struggle and frustration it can create in our lives.  Why give up on love?  Is there really anything else worth living for?  The movement of these dancers embodies the pain and the beauty of loving someone with all your heart, even “if it kills (you.”  - emotionally that is …  When it comes to our heart-felt efforts in living this life, in the end, love is all there is. So even if it hurts sometimes, do we really have another choice in the matter?  What else is worth it but love?

And with that, I send love to you all and hope you enjoy this quick piece from “So You Think You Can Dance” and I hope we challenge ourselves in EVERY situation in life – whether it be romantic, familial, platonic or humanitarian – with the question, “So You Think You Can Love?”  And I hope that we always find that answer to be “Absolutely, undeniably – yes.”

And just so you know a little about Narkis …

Narkis and I getting our "spirit" on in Antigua (Guatemala 2010)

I met Narkis while at the meditation center in Guatemala, however we didn’t become friends until the end of my trip. After my time in Mexico, I returned to Guatemala to study with a teacher in Antigua – the same teacher in fact, that Narkis was planning to study with as well. Our friend Mika re-introduced us and together, we moved our little lives “up the mountain” outside of Antigua to begin our next journey. We kicked off our friendship in the strangest of ways, having decided to spend the first 10 days in silence and deep contemplation as we began our studies with our spiritual teacher. I attribute this unconventional manner of getting to know one another as the reason we became so close so quickly. Using our intuition and respecting each others’ path and feelings – especially while in silence – allows you to “feel” a person in a way that just chatting about life, jobs and the externals can’t seem to penetrate. After our ten days of “seeing” each other for who we were at that time, we definitely did our fair share of chatting the following month while continuing to live together in Antigua. We shared a room, shared our stories, and shared lots of laughter as we stumbled our way through this spiritual path we both were traveling. I’m impressed with this amazing and insightful friend, who at such a young age is digging deep and finding her true and authentic path. She lets nothing hold her back and whatever she dreams or envisions, she works to make a reality. I’m in awe of her, inspired by her and love her deeply!

And now, back to Tel Aviv ….

Narkis with her partners and performers after the concert

As I emerged from the train station, Narkis was right there, ready and waiting.  She honked her horn from across the street and I crossed over, jumped in the car and away we went to the beach. Narkis was busy chatting on the phone with her business partners about the upcoming show they were organizing. When Narkis returned from Guatemala, she began a non-profit organization that pairs talented people who want to give back with projects in need of help. Their upcoming show was a remarkable idea of pairing street musicians with professional musicians to perform together in concert. This concert happened to be taking place in a week and a half, leaving much to discuss and finalize with her business partners. There were videos that still needed to be made and edited, details to arrange and musicians to organize. But she never complained. Narkis had a dream and was doing what it took to make that dream come true.  She was juggling it all, and in addition was trying to spend some time showing me around Tel Aviv as well. A few hours at the beach (before her evening meeting) was just what she and I both needed.

(Shameless plug of pride for my friend Narkis. To see the video of their concert performance, follow this link. The video is in Hebrew, but I promise you would be impressed in any language after seeing what this young and talented girl, along with her friends/business partners accomplished for the evening. Just keep watching and you’ll get to see Narkis in all her shining glory.)

Arriving at the beach, we did a quick change in the car, strolled out to the lawn chairs and stretched ourselves out in the sun. It was around lunch time (like that mattered since I seem to have been constantly eating while in Israel), so I perused the menu for a new experience of Israeli fare. A wrap of roasted eggplant, tahini, hard-boiled egg and salad caught my eye and I told Narkis when the waiter came by that I would take the “Sabich” wrap. She burst out laughing at my terrible pronunciation – coming out as “Sa-bitch” rather than the appropriate “Sa-beeck.” I didn’t care and laughed along with her, as I was pretty sure this wrap by any other name would taste just as sweet.

We spent a few hours on the beach, talking about life and catching up on all we’d done since our last parting almost a year ago. The day flew by and soon it was time to part ways with the beach so Narkis could meet up with her business partners and drop me off to rendezvous with Harley and Debi, while she also attended a wedding that evening. The next two hours were a dizzying spin of stopping by her friend Sarah’s apartment where we sat in the car (with Sarah) and discussed girly topics such as Sarah’s new relationship, then on to the other side of town to stop along the side of a busy road where we, again, sat in the car as her two business partners talked with us through the open car windows.  I knew Narkis was busy, but I had no idea it was such a spin of activity that we didn’t even have time to get out of the car while visiting her friends!  We spun off once again, this time to meet with Harley in the city down by the beach promenade.  I said goodbye to Narkis for the moment, and stepped out of the whirlwind of energy, people and events surrounding her and stepped into the whirlwind of energy, people and events surrounding Debi and Harley.

Believe me, you would want to be their friends too!

Debi and Harley were visiting Israel (currently they live in Barcelona) to say goodbye to all Debi’s friends before they both made the big move to Melbourne, Australia. Their time in the Holy Land was as packed as it could be with a constant rotation of cities and friends with whom they wanted to spend time before the final adieu. Throw a Sunnies reunion on top of that and you pretty much reach the limit of social bookings. I felt right at home in their crazy schedule as I too, was experiencing a pinball game of social engagements, bouncing back and forth and to and from various locations and people, trying to squeeze it all in. Liron had dropped me off that morning; Narkis had picked me up; now Narkis was dropping me off and Harley was there for the next catch and away we went down the boardwalk by the sea to meet up with Debi and her friends at a pub.

The rest of the night consisted of drinking beers or Arak or whiskey – at various locations with various groups of Debi’s friends. Remember when I said I thought she was amazing? Well, apparently there are MANY people who feel the same because we bounced from an outdoor cafe of friends drinking Goldstars, to an upstairs loft apartment of two friends who had just returned from India that day, to other places as well. It was really incredible to see these friends all interacting and sharing drinks and stories and laughing about life. It’s one of the things I adore most about Israel – it’s as if you know no strangers.  All night, without uttering a word, I felt them saying, “If you’re a friend of Debi’s or Harley’s or whoever’s – then you’re a friend of mine.”  There is such a sense of community and openness about the people, and through my haze of pints and sips of whiskey, I could see clearly this is the sort of “togetherness” I crave in my life. It’s the kind of heart-felt, arms-open-wide feeling of embracing life and your fellow friends and human beings living it with you.

The night was stretching on and Harley, Debi and I ended up walking through the city to an alley dive bar for another drink while we waited for Narkis to call.  The three of us spent the time telling stories, wandering around and playing the sort of games you play on long bus rides while traveling just to pass the time. I adored getting to know Debi and hearing all about she and Harley’s story and their dreams for the future. I was feeling so badly for her because she looked exhausted from weeks of traveling Israel to see all her friends, filled with late night “last-chance” conversations and fun. Here she was, pushing past her exhaustion limit to stay up, open her heart and get to know someone new, who she would then just have to add to the list of people to say goodbye to in a few weeks.

The more I get to know Debi, the more obvious it is to me why she was so tired that evening. She’s a beautiful and loving soul, full of jokes and stories, smiles and hugs – always thinking of the other person and seeing ways to create fun times and memorable experiences while together. It’s no wonder she had so many friends to see – I don’t think Debi could know a stranger. When you have that much love, everyone just wants to soak it up and bask in your sunshine – and she definitely shines her light brightly. I felt grateful at having the chance to meet her during this trip and to soak up her radiance as well.  After a few hours, Narkis called and it was time to head home.  From sunbathing earlier that morning to sharing drinks and soaking up the shining light of both Debi and Harley’s presence, I was having a beautiful time in Tel Aviv so far.

The next day, Narkis and I rented the shared city bikes, rode around the town and met with Harley back down at the boardwalk by the beach. This spot was exactly what I pictured it would be like in Tel Aviv. Any tourist photograph you see of the city always shows the bronze beauties laying on the beach next to the deep blue of the Mediterranean Sea and the modern city skyline serving as a backdrop to the other side. While Harley and Narkis were discussing the Course in Miracles again (I told you Harley has a thing for that text ….), I looked around and felt that welcomed warming in my heart.

My Tel Aviv postcard life

Sometimes I look at my life and where I end up and I feel amazed; I feel blessed; I feel humbled; and I feel grateful. From the time I was 12 years old, sitting in my first Spanish class and my teacher announced that “language can take you places,” I had begun dreaming of seeing the world, one country and one experience at time. Now here I was, 31 years old, sitting inside the image of the postcard in my mind between my two glowing Sunnie friends with the dazzling sun shining down upon us all in Tel Aviv, Israel of all places. It seemed crazy that just two weeks prior my life was a tornado of mental and emotional indecision at whether I wanted to travel again or not. From where I was, sitting in the calm and peace of the sandy beach, I couldn’t imagine my life any other way at that moment. It’s as if I finally opened my eyes and looked at the magical surroundings of my life and how blessed I am to be living it. My tornado of indecision has luckily landed me on a seemingly magical spot, in Tel Aviv spending time with friends. I smiled and thought to myself, “I’m definitely not in Indiana anymore ….”

After a few hours on the beach, the winds of activity began to swirl once again and Narkis was off to another business meeting. Harley and I maintained a low profile and browsed the outdoor art market in the “old” part of Tel Aviv, stopping to get lunch at an outdoor cafe. The sun began to dip low in the sky and since it was Friday, all the shops began to shut down and the cafes started to close up in preparation for Shabbat. It felt like an old Western movie where the posse was ridin’ in so all the towns people scatter and shut the shutters to keep from harm’s way. We were the lonely drifters, stuttin’ through the streets, trying to find a place where we could buy a bottle of wine. We found a shop still open, did our finest at picking the best wine based on the prettiest label and continued on down the road.

We dropped in at the apartment where Debi and Harley had been staying to use the corkscrew for the wine. We ended up getting into a deep discussion with Josh, the brother of Debi’s friend who owned the apartment, and was studying conflict resolution through sustainable practices. The discussion led to Permaculture, as Josh was studying this as particular leg of the “sustainable practice” which was used to bring together opposing cultures working together for one goal. It was a really interesting concept – by teaching two different groups of people, the Jewish and the Arabs in this instance, how to work the land and live harmoniously with nature, they could build a world together that benefited them both. It goes farther than this as well, since many conflicts are either started or fueled by lack of resources between growing and diverse populations. If you can begin to live in a harmonious and renewable environment, the scarcity issue would diminish and therefore, so too would parts of the conflict.

It goes round and round and on and on

I had heard about Permaculture before, but didn’t know much about it beyond the natural planting of certain vegetation that was grown in a certain way that didn’t need pesticides. Josh explained the concept of Permaculture went far beyond just planting. He likened the method to a natural rainforest – how the entire ecosystem works in complete harmony so there is never waste. Anything produced in a rainforest is used through any stage of its development, even the decaying wood from a fallen tree that fertilizes the soil, that grows the vegetation eaten by the animals whose excrement then gives back to the soil as well. Josh gave us an example of how modern-day permaculture strives for holistic cycles – that even the concept of “recycling” didn’t hit the mark because nothing that was a byproduct needed to be turned into some other product. Each item should have a purpose beyond it’s original purpose and so on and so on until the circle is complete.

After a while, Harley and I felt it was time to cycle on out of there so we packed up our bottle of wine and headed for the beach as our waiting place for Narkis to come and pick us up. When we got to the beachfront, it had turned windy and colder so we huddled down by the stone benches and sat on the ground to get away from the chilly sea air. Harley reached behind the shrubs and magically pulled out two pieces of cardboard, assuming was placed there by some homeless person as a make-shift seat cushion. We arranged our cardboard loungers, reached into the plastic bag and uncorked the bottle of wine. It made me think of Liron’s dad and how he had laughed at the misperception of people passing by when he was using his taxi to jump the stranded car the day before. Wow – What did Harley and I look like to people walking past? Two people, squatting on cardboard, huddled together drinking wine from a plastic bag. People probably gave us one glance and thought the world was going to hell in a handbasket carried on the sorry state of the directionless “youth” of the times.

Plastic wine glasses - Posh and Permaculture approved

To enhance our perceived appearance, Harley took out a large plastic water bottle (which was empty) and cut the top and bottom off to be turned into make-shift wine glasses. Voila! To us, it was Permaculture at it’s finest – taking an empty water bottle and continuing its “useability” as vessels for divine wine shared seaside between friends on a chilly Israeli evening. To others, who knows what they were thinking (besides probably judging us and thanking God they weren’t in our shoes). But for me, my water-wine goblet in hand, sitting on cardboard while listening to the waves on the shore and talking with one of my loveliest friends, I was thanking God I was in my shoes. No need to click my slippers three times and repeat the mantra, “There’s no place like home …” because, although I may have appeared homeless, I was feeling right at home, right on my cardboard next to Harley.

This is how we do Friday nights

We were all a bit worn out from the constant activity, so decided to go with the flow of Shabbat and simply rent a movie, cook some dinner and call it a chill evening. Harley and I were staying with Narkis at her parents’ apartment, which they happened to be away for the weekend. And you know what happens when the parents are away …. the kids will play …. Except that we’re not kids and the rowdiest hing we did was pull the couch in front of the computer so we could all squeeze together to watch movies online.

Being the constant dreamers we are, Harley and I recommended we watch “Waking Life” as Narkis had never seen it yet is quite a powerful dreamer herself. This particular movie is about 10 years old and is a collection of vignettes of people discussing philosophy and dreams, as well as quantum physics and other metaphysical topics. The movie itself is created to appear as a dream, with the footage of the actors manipulated to create a some-what cartoonish effect. If you haven’t seen it, I HIGHLY recommend it! It’s fascinating and will draw you in – that is, unless you are exhausted from traveling Israel for two weeks and have a belly full of pasta and wine, sitting on a couch in front of a computer screen with your friends. If that were the case, you may just fall into a deep sleep curled up on your side of the couch, wanting anything BUT to be in your waking life. At that point, I was exhausted and sleep was my dream come true.

The following day, I fully embraced the custom of Shabbat with Harley. Shabbat is the seventh day of the Jewish week and is considered the day of rest. It’s considered a festive day when Jewish people are freed from the confinements of daily work life and everyone is allowed to contemplate the “spiritual aspects” of life and spend time with family. Narkis left us free reign of the apartment while she and a friend prepared for a birthday party that evening.  The only work Harley and I did was to work really hard at not working at all. We spent the day watching movies, chatting and I did a little catch up on writing and emailing. I indulged in a very long and warm “girlie” shower – the kind where you use all the bath products piled up in the tub, then do your nails and actually feel put together and fully pampered. I guess all the primping was work, but I hope it was allowed as part of contemplating the “spiritual aspects” of my life because it sure did feel divine.

Harley flirting with the most beautiful fruit we found

Later in the evening, Harley and I ventured out of the apartment looking for some dinner to sustain us through our couch-time movie marathon of an evening. We wandered around the suburbs of Tel Aviv and found our way to the local mall. Hmmm – staying at a friend’s house whose parents were out-of-town and heading to the mall on a Saturday night – I was feeling 14 again. The mall contained a grocery store, and we shuffled through the isles trying to find something to entice us. All we could come up with was popcorn with random seasonings, two apples and the prettiest fruit I’d ever seen, yet had never tasted. It was fuchsia on the outside with thick “skin” shaped like leaves growing out from it in a dark green color. Feeling adventurous, I grabbed the fruit to add it to our late-night snacks.

We came home, popped the popcorn and dissected the fruit, which was tasteless and extremely disappointing.  We returned to our grooves in the couch and our movie marathon began with “Don’t Mess with the Zohan” – an Adam Sandler movie poking fun at extreme Israeli stereotypes.  Adam Sandler played “the Zohan,” Israeli’s finest soldier who wants to leave his position in battle to follow his dreams of becoming a hairdresser in America (total Adam Sandler plot).  If I had seen this movie two weeks earlier, it would be nowhere near my list of “must see” flicks. But, having experienced Israel in the past few weeks and having tried to observe and soak up as much tradition and culture as I possibly could, watching a movie about Israelis, while in Israel made for a the perfect viewing pleasure. I laughed and laughed – because it was funny, but mostly because at that point, I actually got the jokes.

After movie showing #1, we changed to the second show of the evening – a movie called, I Love you Phillip Morris. Now this movie is one I would IMMEDIATELY put on my “must see” list and just in case that doesn’t intrigue you enough to run out and rent it, I will venture to say: Stop reading this post. Get up and away from your computer and go see this movie – Now. It was such a great movie there was no way I was getting up or away from our computer that evening while we watched this true-life story of a man named, Steven Jay Russell, a “real life con-artist, imposter and multiple prison escapee.” Jim Carrey plays the role of Steven Russell, who, after having a near-death car accident, chooses to stop living the life he thinks he “should” live, and begins living the life he absolutely dreams about, although he does this by lying and conning people – BUT, you know, with good intentions and a good heart …

Go See This Movie!

Now I don’t want to give it all away, but I will tell you the reason I found this movie so compelling and thought-provoking. First off, it’s a true story. This man really lived and got away with a litany of unbelievable feats – almost too absurd to be true. Second, it’s a beautiful story because this man wasn’t conning people to hurt anyone or to take direct advantage, he was simply smart enough (genius) to see opportunities where others were blind or didn’t even care to look. He worked around the societal system by constantly thinking outside the box. For example, he never robbed banks or stole money, but he did end up finding a loophole in the accounting at the business where he worked that allowed him to make almost $1 million dollars for himself by investing certain accounts that were in transition but could gain dividends. This made money for the company as well and he simply just added himself to the list of those benefitting. He was stealing from what was there, but rather was creating new money and just skimming off the top. He was using his mind – and that always impresses me.

But the thing that made the biggest impression on me about this movie, was the true life accounts of what is possible when you simply believe it to be true.  You can change your reality, and DEFINITELY change the perception of reality of those around you when you simply believe in yourself, what you say and what you are doing, regardless of whether it is absolutely “true” at that time.  Again, I don’t want to ruin the movie for you by telling you all the feats this man accomplished in his lifetime (because I REALLY hope you’ll go see it!). Watching the movie, it is story after story of truly unbelievable accounts of how this man never accepted “what is” and always saw the possibility of what “could be.” He used all his faculties and his absolute belief – never a shred of doubt or fear in his mind that what he was thinking wasn’t possible – to make his next dream or desire come true, however crazy or daring. Of course his dreams and desires often got him into prison, but like I said, it was easy to love this character because he wasn’t doing anything maliciously. He just saw a better life and did whatever it took to attain it.

The Real "Steve Russell" and "Phillip Morris"

A felon who is now sitting in solitary confinement seems an unlikely role model for my life, but after watching this movie, I can truly say I admire this man. I admire anyone who has the imagination, courage and conviction to envision a better life for themselves and who will fearlessly stop at nothing to make that dream come true. I always think about the power of our minds and how we are given these amazing mental machines, full of ideas, possibilities, dreams, visions and determination. It’s the truth of “If we dream it, we can become it.” The only difference between having the dream and making the dream come true, is believing it’s possible and living your life-like that dream already is true for you.

The idea of making your dreams come true, makes me think back to that little 12-year-old girl again, sitting in that Spanish class, feeling insecure about her life and what she will do, thinking that true adventure was something she only saw in movies. And then, while sitting in that small classroom in Indiana, she hears her teacher tell stories of traveling to Mexico and other far-off places, and it was like a door suddenly flew open in her mind. In that moment, seeds of possibilities were planted and the dreams and visions began to grow.  It was the moment I saw options outside that which were offered to me at the time – it was the awakening of something bigger than my wildest dream.  I did not sit blindly absorbing and accepting what “was” but rather I began to dream of what “could be.”  And my imagination soared with dreams of travel, exploration and, to be honest, adventures worthy of the movies “Goonies” or “Indiana Jones” or even some quite mystical such as “Labrynth.”  At that time, I dreamed of something more than what I was living.

Venice - absolutely amazing

I don’t know if I ever really expected or believed that I would travel to all the places I envisioned in my mind. It wasn’t like I had a dream or a goal and then worked tirelessly to attain it.  It was more a dream that I just planted in my brain and let germinate year after year without really tending to it.  But then, one day, one specific moment – I it all became so magically real for me and I was aware those dreams had blossomed into reality. I was 20 years old, riding on a train through Italy on my way to Venice. Somewhere on that train ride, I suddenly remembered how it had always been a dream of mine to travel.  I yearned for adventure and to see other countries – especially Italy.  For several years in a row while I was in high school, I lived and breathed everything Italy – completley obsessed with the country and especially Venice. I had collected anything with stickers announcing it was “Made in Italy” and I rented Italian movies and talked incessantly about the country with all my friends. I remember being fascinated there was a place in the world where the streets were made of water and people went to and fro on little boats. Even though I was fascinated with this magical place, I don’t think I ever thought I’d actually go there. It was so far away and some place you only dream about.

But, as I sat on that train just a few short years later, the realization that I was in the midst of a dream come true struck me so forcefully that I could hardly breathe. In that moment of my life, it was like the 20-year old “me” was this magical and blessed person, looking back on the 14-year old me, who was so eager and wanting to see the world. In that moment, I felt grateful to my younger self for dreaming these dreams, like that adolescent girl had planted the seeds and given me the gift I was experiencing in that moment. She had wanted it so badly, and now here I was, able to be living that dream because of her.

I have these moments more and more often now – mostly because I think I look for them. What we seek, we often shall find. And I seek to open to the magic that fills our lives, the magic we create for ourselves. Some of my favorite moments are still those that make me stop and ask myself, “Is this really my life? Am I really this lucky?” From that moment on the train traveling to Venice, I started to realize that dreams do come true, sometimes when we don’t even actively pursue them.  Sometimes we’re just lucky that way. My dreams have continued to manifest since that time, although some dreams took longer than others because I did not tend to them with all my heart. Maybe if I had acted more like Steven Russell, the subject of this movie, I Love you Phillip Morris, maybe even more things would have happened for me in my life? It’s pointless to ponder, as I truly believe everything happens exactly as it should and  especially when I’m grateful for all that has been given to me. watching this movie though, I saw in this man – this larger-than-life character – the truth of what can be accomplished when we not only dream something, but when we absolutely, without a doubt, believe it is possible in our life.

Martin Luther King, Jr. - He had a dream ...

I believe dreams can come true, even if we don’t work at them and believe in them whole-heartedly. It’s just how I see the Universe. “It” wants us to be happy and wants to give us the things we wish for, and sometimes it does, regardless of whether we even realize or notice that is what is taking place. But, when I think about the possibilities of what dreams can come true when we work WITH the Universe, to remain open and grateful and feed our dreams with the unfaltering belief that they are already true, then we become partners with the Universe. We were given magnificent minds with the capability to imagine better solutions, dream bigger dreams, envision more amazing lives, and the intellectual capability to work toward those dreams. Many dreamers have come before us and shown us the way of what is possible when we simply believe, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that our dreams can and do come true.  So we do our part, and the Universe breathes a huge sigh of relief because FINALLY, it has some help in the manifestation process. It’s going to try to give you what you desire anyway, but now it’s so much easier for it to present that gift because you are there, with arms wide open, already knowing it’s coming, although sometimes it just takes time.

Watching that movie lit a spark of inspiration in me that evening. What more can I be dreaming for my life? What is possible that I hadn’t ever thought was possible? My imagination and mind is the limit, and I felt it was time to start using it. So as the movie ended that evening, and I felt energized and inspired by all I’d seen, I looked around at where I was at that moment. There, on a couch in Israel, sitting next to my friend Harley, simply watching a movie and observing Shabbat, a day to contemplate the “spiritual aspects” of our lives. Who was I? How far I’d come from that 12-year-old, 14-year-old, 20-year-old self – and how far would I go? What would the next 10 years of my life bring? I wasn’t sure of that, but of a few things I was sure:

1) I was and would continue to be, always grateful for wherever I am and what is given to me and,

2) the Universe wants me, wants us, to dream even bigger and to believe in those dreams. What do we have to lose? Who knows – One day we may be going about our merry little lives and we may stop and open our eyes to what is around us, and we may realize the dream we had once thought was impossible, but dared to dream anyway, has already come true for us, right there in that moment. The thing is, dreams that aren’t dreamt, can’t come true. So as I continue my journey or opening to life and “creating the life I love by loving the life I live,” I think I’ll add “Dream bigger and believe more boldly” to my “to do” list of things for my life. And maybe, just maybe, a few years from now, I’ll be that 41-year-old woman, looking back and feeling so grateful for my 31-year-old self for dreaming the amazing dreams of a life beyond imaginable and for believing and knowing, they would absolutely come true.

Do you?

Father and Son working together

After a night of late-night burekas and wild-boar sightings, we actually got up early on Tuesday morning to begin our trek to the northern border of Israel and Lebanon to an area called, “Rosh Hanikra.” However, when we got to the car to take off on our trip that morning, the battery was dead which means we were going nowhere for the moment. Not to be deterred however, like Liron had said in the past, every situation in life always has options. It seemed in that moment our best option was to call Liron’s dad, David, to come and rescue us. He owns a taxi and as some luck was on our side, he happened to be in the area. Within 10 minutes, he was there, our knight in shining sedan, to revive our dispondent and distressed vehicle back to life. Liron’s dad laughed at the probable thoughts of those passing by as he hooked up the jumper cables. He pointed out that from an outside view, it looked like these three stranded youngsters had called a taxi – not for a ride, but for a jump. Funny how perception can be so deceiving and we never really know the real story behind things …

Once the car was resurected, we thanked our life “savior,” jumped into our chariot and away we went. We arrived in Rosh Hanikra about an hour later, at the northern border between Israel and Lebanon. Coming from middle America, the only borders I ever see are the ever-disappearing Borders Bookstores closing down across the Midwest, or the Interstate crossing borders between state lines that are simply marked with oversized billboards saying, “Welcome to Georgia: The Peach State” which you read, honk, lift your feet and then drive on through with no fight or fuss. It was fascinating to me to see this border – a well-guarded, barbed-wire-enforced divide between two countries. The sight was a bit disturbing, especially knowing this arbitrary construction was the only physical structure dividing two countries that had suffered continual (and very recent) conflict since the inception of Israel. (To read about the brief history between these countries, follow thislink).

All along the watch tower

We parked the car and climbed up the road towards the border crossing gate. As we gazed toward the sea, admiring the beauty of the deep blue water sparkling in the sun, Harley called our attention to a wire rope extending from the land far out into the sea. Apparently the Israeli and Lebanese aren’t taking any risks when it comes to property defining the borders of their respected countries. “This is my side of the sea, and that is your side of the sea.” Now, it is universally recognized that a country’s border extends 200 nautical miles out into the sea from the mainland. It looked to me that Israel and Lebanon felt the need to further define this fact by placing one long “rope”out to sea, which was bobbing and swaying over the water’s surface.

Do all countries do this? I wondered how far they took the enforcing of this fluid demarcation between their countries. Were there pumps under the sea along that wire border making sure the water from one side, never flowed and drifted to the “other side” of the border? What if the wind blew quite forcefully that day and the heavy metal contraption swayed in the breeze. Would either side become upset that one country was encroaching on the other by a few feet? Would they curse the wind and bring it to court for disturbing this obviously crucial and very official man-made boundary? Were there underwater border control stations stamping the wee little pass ports of the fish who wanted to swim about freely, crossing from the Israeli waters to the Lebanese waters?

Obviously on one hand I understand the need for borders, especially between countries who inhabit certain individuals determined to harm the people of the other country. But looking out into the sea and seeing this comletely …. assinine is the only word I can think of – wired border dividing the beautiful aqua waters of the Mediteranean Sea made my heart ache at the ignorance of humanity and what a lack of love or understanding we have for our fellow human beings.  (Remember when I said I was a pacifist and idealist – albeit sometimes an unrealistic one?)  It reminded me of how childish my sister and I were when we were little and suffering the long car rides out west on family vacations. There would be screams of injustice and floods of hot tears at the frustration of “She’s on MY side of the seat!!!!!!” And no matter how we would try to squeeze ourselves to opposite sides of the bench (yea, think total 80′s mini-van with pleather bench seats in the back), someone would undoubtedly slip a seat belt or article of clothing across the dividing line and then all hell broke loose. We’d scream, we’d punch and kick and we’d whine like our very existence depended on it. But, we were children (annoying ones at that). That is how children act. It made me wonder about the state of the human race and if we ever really grew up.

Just the three of us: Me, Liron and the watchman

Adding to the intrigue, we wanted to get a closer look at the bording corssing on land so walked to the gate guarded by a young Israeli soldier. Liron and I posed for a picture, with Harley using his stealth photography skills to capture an image of the soldier beween us – the very one who had just informed us he was not allowed to take photographs with tourists. As we posed for our money shot, it seemed strange to stand with our arms around each others’ shoulders, smiling in front of this massive divide between two physical landscapes containing two very different cultures of people who violently reacted to each other from fear and misunderstanding. Long before any of this conflict, this land was just land, stretching on in all directions, with no determined boundaries or borders separating in into distinct identities. It began as “one” land and it was only through human preferance did it become something divided.

Oh the Places We'll Go ....

Adding to the “insanity” I was feeling at the rational of human behavior, there was a large sign painted on the side of the wall with two arrows, one pointing north to Beruit, and one pointing south to Jerusalem. It was so strange and almost childishly absurd, like a painting you would find in a Dr. Suess book. “This way to Whoville and this way to Howville” or something. This type of divide between two nations practically sharing the same physical space was something I was not used to seeing up close. It felt uncomfortable to so closely witness how two groups of people can completely not “see” each other as fellow human beings, having been covered in labels of their nationality or religion.

After our “Let’s smile in front of the manifested division of hatred line” photograph, Liron led us to the ticket booth and we fought throngs of Israeli students and tourists to squeeze into the cable car that would carry us down to the rocks below and the entrance to naturally formed caves. This was actually the main attraction we had driven all the way to witness – not the border. When we got to the bottom, we channeled our inner Prince (as in the musician represented by some sort of symbol meaning “the artist formally known as Prince”) and walked “in” throught the “out door” a la Raspberry Beret style and deicided to explore them backwards. We walked along the bright white stone path, overlooking the deep aqua blue of the Mediterranean Sea and ducked through the cave entrances fighting streams of tourists walking in the opposite direction. We walked along the paths that twisted and turned inside the mountain rock to witness the beautiful caverns within as the water crashed on the rocks, slowly eroding the stone away into new caverns where the water could flow.

Can you feel the love?

Here too was a place of opposites, yet set in nature. There was the juxtoposition of the hot, bright sun illuminating the white washed rock and practically blinding us as we walked along the path, compared to the deep, cool darkness as you’d enter the cave. These two settings couldn’t be any more different, yet rather than being at odds with one another, nature works together harmoniously. As we stepped into the damp walkway of the cave and heard the sound of the waves lapping and echoing against the stones inside, it created such a feeling of peace. There was something so magical and calming about being inside the cave, so close to the power of the crashing waves, yet protected by the support of the ancient rocks. Two opposites, working together as one. It felt like peace to me.

We made it through the caves in time to make it to the afternoon showing of the Acadamy-Award-worthy inforational video dramatically entitled, “The Love Affair of Sea and Stone.” This was no typical viewing experience either. The screen and “theater” were set in the side of the mountain in a tunnel of sorts. During the movie, the narrator told the legend of the grottos, how they were formed, by water dripping over centuries into the stone and slowly eroding away the caverns within. The dramatic voice also told how the waves continually crash upon the mountain and the stones year after year, and how you can “sense the force of nature and in one magical moment, to simply become part of it all.” And just in case these moving words didn’t move you quite enough, loud sounds of waves exploded from speakers and the economy-sized fans kicked on to blow that fresh, simulated sea-air right in your face.

The movie (or “sound and light show” as they call it) also told of how the tunnels were built through the mountain by the Brittish in 1947. As they told of how workers used dynamite to blow holes in the mountain, again the speakers would kick on to sounds of explosions and spot lights so cleverly tucked away in the corners would flash a few times. I sat between Harley and Liron and instead of being blown away by the special effects, we were more a bit confused at why these random fans kept blowing in our face and we even thought to maybe inform the workers of a short in their electrical wiring because the lights kept flickering. It wasn’t until this happened repeatedly did we realize, these were the high-tech effects meant to make us sense this “magical moment” of movie-going and hopefully helped us “simply become a part of it all.” I’m not so sure about that, but it did make us laugh. As for my vote I would categorize the “Love Affair of Sea and Stone” in the “Rom-Com” (Romantic Comedy) section of the award ceremony.

The city of Akko

We emerged from our cave and decided it was time to evolve and move on to other places. We ended our “Love Affair” at Rosh Hanikra and Liron drove us south to the ancient city of Akko, one of the oldest continually inhabited sites of Israel. It has a rich history dating back to the ancient Greek and Roman times, through the Crusaders, and inludes the failed attempt by Napolean to capture this important port city on the Mediterannean Sea. As recently as 1939, Arabs were in control of this city and forced all Jewish settlers out. However, in the war of 1948, Akko was captured by Israeli forces and a third of the Arab population was then ordered to leave the city. Despite the constant transition of power, the old city of Akko remains mostly Arab Muslim and since the 1990s, many more Arabs have returned to the city as a large population of Israelis have moved to newer housing projects elsewhere in the country.

Despite the history of conflict, Akko is beautiful and you can feel the stories seeping into your bones while strolling the ancient stone pathways with curved ceilings and decorative tile. The old city is surrounded by a thick stone wall, used for centuries to keep out invading forces, as well as to keep in the various populations that have inhabited this site. Again, it was a border separating the “us” from “them” and I wondered if these walls and borders could be an acurate symbol of this land and region. If our physical world is simply a reflection of our inner world, it was obvious this feeling of division is so ingrained in the hearts and minds of the people. It is no surprise this internal division would manifest as huge, thick walls on the outside as well.

When we arrived, we parked the car and looked for a place to have some lunch, as the excitement of the day was wearing on us and we felt a bit drained. The tension and energy of Akko was part of this sudden heaviness we felt and so decided to head down to the port to find a sea-side cafe and take advantage of the fresh air and fresh fish that comes in daily. We found a quaint outdoor cafe, sat ourselves down and chose our shared buffet of hummus (of course …), tabouli and baked Sea Bream (white fish) in a garlic sauce. Sitting by the open water, feeling the sea breeze blow around us as we filled our bellies with delicious food, our minds softened a bit and our energy levels began to rise. It was getting close to dusk and the markets would begin to shut down and the Islamic “Call to Prayer” would be echoing through the streets soon enough. Harley suggested we quickly browse through the markets and then climb above and sit upon the ancient wall surrounding the city to watch the sunset and wait for the Call to Prayer.

Walls to keep people out, and to keep people in

After perusing the markets, Harley led us to the main gate entrance and we climbed up and sat upon the wall, high above the city to watch as the sun sunk lower in the sky. From up above, you could see down into the old city and all the narrow stone pathways and streets. There were children kicking a soccer ball pretending to score the final victorious goal, women hurrying about to get home to prepare dinner or for their evening prayers, and the men, still sitting in the doorways, still smoking hookas debating about life. Sitting above you could see the scope of the wall surrounding the city, dividing it from the outside world. From that viewpoint, we could that “outside world.” We looked out across the bay and see the lights of Haifa in the distance, with all the people there most likely hurrying through the streets to get home to cook dinner as the sun went down, the children kicking their soccer ball fantasizing of the glory and fame, and the men playing Shesh Besh (Backgammon) in cafes talking about life. Each side living similar lives, dreaming the same dreams for themselves and their families.

I thought about how these walls blind us and keep us from seeing anything except that which is contained within the limited space. It is only from above, that we can really see how this wall divides and separates, how it makes one thing into two. Sitting above, with my two beautiful friends, sharing a cigarette and watching the sunset, I wished that both the Jewish people and the Arabs could climb upon this wall and look down upon everything and see both sides. I wished they would realize the beauty of the sunset filling the sky with deep magentas and pinks, is available for everyone. The sun rises and sets for everyone, regardless of their beliefs or which side of the wall they happen to live.

I thought about how easy it was for me to see the divide and simply wish the walls would come tumbling down and everyone could live in peace and harmony. I know I saw Akko from a completely different perspective, having never grown up in that culture or had to live through the terrible experiences of these two groups of people. I find it fascinating how we each see reality through our own eyes, based on our personal history, experiences and upbringing. Earlier in the day, as I walked through the tunnels of the inner-city markets selling spices and dried goods, clothes, home goods, sweets and decorations, I experienced a fascinating world of never-before-seen sights and smells, men sitting around smoking hookas in the stone doorways and women covered in decorative burkas, holding their children’s hands and pulling them through the crowded streets. To me, I felt like I was living a scene from a favorite childhood Disney movie, “Alladin” and was waiting to see little Abu, the cheeky monkey, hop from one stall to the next stealing a loaf of bread. Oh how innocent or ignorant those eyes ….

Sunset contemplation in Akko

For my friend Liron, it was not a childhood cartoon experience. I believe he was seeing the city from a completely different perspective. While we walked around the streets, and as we sat above on the wall discussing the history of the city and the vastly different Muslim culture, Liron was quieter than normal. He later explained to me how strange it felt to be in Akko, surounded by Arabs – the very people and culture he had been taught to protect himself, his family, friends and his country against – while in the Israeli army for three years. He was in the army during the war with Lebanon and had seen many things, on both sides. As a survival technique, I’m sure he had to build up walls inside himself, to protect who he was and what he loved, against a nation and a group of people who were determined to tear down those walls and threated all he knew. At times like these, those internal walls seem necessary for our mere survival. I could see how people on both sides had built up their walls of protection and security, keeping their hearts and what they love safe from the outside world. Yet, these walls also keep the heart from loving and giving to others as well.

Even though the years had passed, and there is no “active” war in Israel currently, for Liron to be surrounded by the cultural “enemy” must still have felt frightening. Our rational mind says there is no reason to fear, but our emotions and memories run deeper and can overtake us in any situation. Liron explained how “vulnerable” he felt walking around, how exposed, like those walls of security inside had been invaded and infultrated. But like I have said before about Liron, he is a beautiful soul who seeks love and understanding both for himself, and those around him. He explained how he had wanted to come to Akko, to show us this ancient city, but to also see it for himself and walk through these “enemy” lines. It was as if the act of physically walking through the exterior wall of the city to explore the rich treasures hidden inside was a symbolic representation of Liron breaking down his own walls he felt did not serve him. It took strength and courage, but he was looking to find those hidden gems of love and wisdom that reside within his heart and mind for the love and compassion he knew he could feel for his fellow human beings, regardless of race or religion, or historical happenings. He broke down his walls not only to eradicate the divide, but to free himself as well. Just as I was listening to Liron and trying to see Akko from his eyes, Liron was stepping beyond himself and seeing Akko from the eyes of the Arabs that lived there. When we have walls within us and around us, we are blind to this seeing. But when we choose to break down those walls, we have the gift of stepping to the “other side” and seeing from a new perspective.

Outside the Akko Mosque

As we sat on that wall and the sun dipped down, we saw the green light from the mosque shining forth and heard the Call to Prayer. We climbed down from the wall and made our way in that direction hoping to be allowed inside after the prayers were over for the evening. Feeling a bit insecure as a woman in this completely foreign and Arabic culture, I was too chicken to be the one to ask for admittance into the mosque. Harley took the lead and walked up to the man standing at the door, who immediately and forcefully let him know in a determined voice, “It is not play time now.” I’m not sure what game he thought we were playing, but we didn’t put up a fight. We walked away and sat on the steps across the road, strategically waiting to make our next move. We continued to hang around the entrance to the mosque like groupies at the backstage door and waited for what we hoped would be an appropriate time to go in.

After the stream of women and children leaving the area seemed to slow, we again got up and approached the gatekeeper. This time he nodded his approaval and informed us it would be ten Shekels each to enter. He looked at me and made a motion that I needed to cover up my arms and chest area, which was barely exposed from the shirt I was wearing. Harley had pre-warned me to bring a shawl and I had already draped it around my shoulders, but somehow had missed the rule sheet of this particular game explaining I also needed to cover the rest of my upper half. I found myself really nervous and feeling like I was 12 years old again, walking past the lunchline filled with boys all staring, and secretly dying inside from feelings of extreme awkwardness – praying they didn’t see the strap to my training bra.

With fumbling hands, I draped my shawl across my chest onto my opposite shoulder and dug in my wallet for the money. As I was moving my arms – a necessary action when trying to do ANYTHING – the shawl fell down again and exposed my collar bone area and I got another disapproving glare from the man. With Harley’s help, I again adjusted my shawl to properly cover up, and probably would have felt really awkward if Harley hadn’t lightened the mood by jokingly whispering “slut” under his breath to me (you know, since I was wearing long jeans and a short-sleeved shirt). I smiled, paid my money and walked away. It was such a bizarre feeling to be 31 years old and feel so exposed and ashamed of my body again, by the external judgements of others.

Inside the Akko Mosque

We were able to enter the mosque and look around, although had to stay in the back area reserved for women. A man approached us and asked if we would like some information regarding the writing and history of the structure. We all agreed, as all three of us had many questions as to what we were looking at in this place of worship. He began to explain about the symbolism inside the mosque, how green is the color of Islam signifying the color of paradise and why the Arabic writing is in blue, a color that represents the “evil eye” and is meant to keep you safe. He explained the large digital clock on the wall with constantly changing times that notify the mosque when to announce the call to prayer and how a real hair of the prophet Muhhommad is said to reside in the chamber above on the right and is only taken out once a year for special celebrations. We listened intently, soaking up these fascinating and foreign traditions, and of course, not ever wanting to take anything too seriously on any spiritual path (including our own), made a few jokes about whether or not the hair of Muhhommad gets washed, conditioned and styled once a year for it’s big debut.

By this time it was getting late and we needed to get back to Haifa to meet up with Harley’s girlfriend Debi, as they had plans the next morning and needed to get to Tel Aviv. We rendezvoued outside the bottom entrance to the Ba’hai Temple gardens and international headquarters. Debi’s friend dropped her off and we were there to pick her right back up. My level of excitement at finally meeting this Divine Debi, about whom I had heard so many beautiful stories from Harley, was reaching extreme and obsessive nerdom. I was completely excited that I would finally be able to put a lovely face with the name, and secretly hoped that she would like me because I already felt that I was going to be quite enamored with her. (Seriously – you should hear Harley talk about her!)

When we finally all met on the sidewalk, I tried to keep my cool and maintain a somewhat manageable level of excitement. Otherwise, my incessant jabbering would have reached a world-record as I begin to talk very fast – and even more than normal – when I’m either nervous, or excited – which I happened to be both in that moment. We said our hellos and immediately all began to chat like old friends reuniting. I never once doubted Harley’s admiration for Debi and upon meeting her, I joined him in the sentiment.

We didn’t have a long time to chat as they needed to get to the station to catch their train to Tel Aviv. We dropped them at the station, gave our hugs goodbye and solidified our plans of reuninting in a few days in Tel Aviv. From there, Liron and I returned to the apartment and crashed out from a long day of sight seeing and emotionally draining thoughts. It’s never easy to extend yourself to see from another’s perspective, but always worth every ounce of energy it takes, as the gift you receive in return is ten-fold.

Who wants their heart walled in like this?

It reminded me what happened to one of the most admired characters of a Dr. Suess story I’d always loved. It is the story of how the mean-minded and hard-hearted Grinch, stepped outside of what he thought he knew and changed his beliefs and views of love and Christmas by seeing through the eyes of those living in Whoville. It took a bit of internal struggle for this poor soul, but in return, his heart grew THREE TIMES that day and he began to live a life of love, happiness and peace. Thinking back to the sign at the Israel-Lebanon border pointing to either Beruit or Jerusalem, if in fact this cartoonish sign had said, “Whoville” and some other place, I think I would have chosen the “Whoville” option in hopes of meeting more characters like the Grinch, ready to break down the walls surrounding their hearts to let them expand infinitely to be filled with love, acceptance and forgiveness of others.

This is a place I would like to visit someday – and the type of people I would like to meet. Who knows? Maybe years from now when I return to Israel, it will appear more to me like a scene from a Dr. Suess book with the walls between “Whoville” and “Howville” having been torn down to make room for “Ourville” – an all inclusive location filled with a group of people living with grossly enlarged hearts and minds – in peace and in harmony, like a perfect love affair between two things as different as the sea and some stone.

We can use our minds to imagine a better world

FURTHER REFLECTONS:

The next morning I awoke and spent the day writing and reflecting all that I’d seen and experienced the day before. Liron let me be with my thoughts that day while I recorded how I felt about the idea of walls and division in life, and about oneness, unity and love. Below is a bit of what was drifting through my head:

I sit here reflecting upon all that I’ve seen. Reflections – what you see on the outside causes you to see what you have on the inside. As Above, So Below.

Wars are reflections of the war we have within ourselves. It is only by the heart can we truly see. Love is all things. Love is acceptance. Love sees no boundaries and knows no boundaries. It is a concept that does not exist for love, because LOVE IS EVERYTHING. When we see boundaries, we do not see the Truth of what really is – that we are all one Truth, one love.

It’s like the boundaries in the water between Israel and Lebanon. There is a line stretching out to sea. This is mine and this is your’s. How funny we humans are. The water doesn’t care. The water just “is.” It flows from place to place, all over the world. It moves from one side of that line to the other and it never believes that it is Isaeli water on one side and then Lebanese water on the other side. It knows that it is everything – from the wet sea waves to the vapor rising to the sky – to the condensation that forms in the clouds and falls back to Earth as rain – that collects in rivers and streams and flows to other lands to hydrate the crops that grow – that are harvested by a farmer in China and given to a child to eat. This child then goes out to play in the hot sun – whereupon the water cycles through the body and leaves through ths skin – evaporating back up to the sky – only to condense and fall again – only to become water flowing through a fish in the sea – caught by a fisherman – cooked upon a grill and served on a plate – and shared by three friends sitting in a port town in Akko, discussing life and wandering how it all works.

Maybe we must connect with the Truth of water, learning how life is everything and just one thing and we are all a part of it, and we are the ALL. And when we see that we are all this one thing – this love – then we will find peace.

Like the love affair between the sea and the stone, a constant reminding of this essence of love – of emotion – of water, lapping against the solid dense rock, it slowly changes. It’s not always the extreme power of the entire sea crashing agains the rock. It doesn’t always take an entire nation of people wanting peace within and without to create change. One is just as powerful – one with the concentrated and enduring hope of love and peace can change it all.

We learned that the grottos, the caves, were formed by single drops of water, constantly and consistently dripping onto the rock. And over time it changes. This is how we are, every day, in every action, like the drops of water, slowly changing the mourntains of our lives. Every drop is a thought of love, of forgiveness, or remembering that we are all one. And as we go about our day and see so much outside of us, seeing things separate from us, remember we are not the object of the reflection – we are BOTH.

So connect. Keep the feeling of love and unity in your heart. Keep it constantly and consstently and over time, you will make your mark upon the dense stone. Over time, you too will move mountains.

When your heart grows from love, you can move mountains - or over-sized sleighs

This post is sponsored by the letter “B” (as if you couldn’t tell)

However much they rock, I'll have to save the Bangles for another post

Although this post is sponsored by the letter “B” and all its beautiful, blessed glory, however fitting it would be to include the 80′s pop group the “Bangles,” I simply cannot do it. You see, their hit single, “Manic Monday” is in fact, quite the opposite sentiment to the Monday morning Liron and I experienced in Haifa. There was nothing “manic” about waking up around noon, drinking coffee in the sun porch and reviewing the dreamy visions of our true life fairy tales in the forest the previous evening. Now if they had released a snappy tune entitled “Mellow Monday” that would be another story…

Avoiding anything “manic,” we simply channeled our laziest selves while we loafed around the apartment waiting for Harley’s arrival to Haifa, and for the adventures to begin.  We didn’t really loaf long due to the combination of our late rising and Harley’s early arrival.  Practically as soon as he appeared at the door, we turned right around to leave the apartment and drive to the Arabic part of Haifa which is high on the mountain (and for the life of me can’t remember the name of this place). Our mission was fueled by our empty stomachs and our desire to get out of the apartment and see some more of this fascinating country.  However much I was loving the hummus in Israel, this time however, our objective was FALAFEL.

Once we arrived in the “town that has no name,” Liron led us to the Falafel stand and helped guide us through our menu of falafel topping choices which included all sorts of pickled cabbage, hummus, olives, hot sauces, vegetables and more. With so many options, I found it easiest to simply take them all – aka load it on with everything they had.  You see, deciding to take my next travel adventure caused sufficient mental suffering for a life-time, and I was thoroughly done with making any decisions at all.  Even something as simle as falafel toppings, by choosing not to have to choose between tasty options, I allowed my poor brain to not have to actually make any more decisions at the moment. I would let it go to the falafel gods and could simply devour whatever came out. I mean, it was going to be loaded with hummus anyway, so there was zero chance I wasn’t going to enjoy it.  And when the food came out, steamy hot and perfectly crunchy, enjoy we did – on multiple levels.

This is falafel - for those who don't know

I find that good conversation is key for any dining experience and can greatly enhance the flavor of any food. It’s amazing; even if the food before you is lacking in desirability, add an enriching and mentally nutritious conversation to the equation and you’ve found yourself a truly upgraded experience. What our lunchtime experience produced was food, already phenomenal to the taste, and then further seasoned with in-depth discussions about the pros and cons of Israel’s mandatory military service and our ideas of how to bring about peace to the region.   But being good old Sunnies, who have fasted and survived silence for 40 days, why stop at falafel and just one topic of conversation since we now are free to eat and speak as much as we like?  As the save-the-world souls we are, we took our “peace in the Middle East” discussion even farther and discussed ways to bring peace to the entire planet. There were varied opinions between Harlz the left-wing wanderer, myself as an idealistic (albeit sometimes unrealistic) pacifist and love enthusiast and especially with Liron, since he had given three years of his life to the Israel army, the rest of his life to a spiritual path, and was also the only one out of the three of us who was actually an Israeli citizen and had to live with this question every day.  But on a few things we absolutely agreed. 1) this was amazing falafel 2) true peace can and will only come about when we find peace within and 3) it felt pretty good for the old roommies to be sitting around, eating delicious meals and discussing the important things in life once again. It was both the taste and time of perfection.

After we filled our bellies with fried goodness and solved the problems of the world, we walked right out of the falafel stand, down the street and right into the well-known Arabic bakery to celebrate finding the solution to world peace (and maybe the fact we weren’t currently in the middle of a 40-day fast).  I stood, eyes wide and buckets of drool seeping from my mouth at all the flaky pastries covered in what I could only assume was copious amounts of honey.  For anyone who knows me – especially if you were ever my roommate, say in Guatemala or something – you would know that honey is high on the list of reasons why I get out of bed in the morning. We handed the woman 40 Shekels and she handed us a box over-flowing with assorted sweets, pastries and happiness. Our spiritual teacher once told us to pay attention to whenever the number “40” appeared, as it was an auspicious number and often signified a divine message. With 40 Shekels worth of honey-covered baked love in a box, I heard the message loud and clear. Life is good.

This is the "Tri-State" area - for Liron who doesn't know

Inspired by the edible works of art, we decided to leave this particular area, head to the grocery store to pick up some supplies for dinner and purchase all the ingredients needed to make real chocolate chip cookies when we returned home. (Bake cookies? Didn’t you guys just buy a huge box of sickly sweet treats? – I know, I now am thinking the same thing. But I’m telling you, you have no idea the power that bakery had over our minds. It’s like the thought of all that honey seeped into our brains and slowed everything to a crawl and the only thought that penetrated was, “more sweets ….”.)  Actually, Liron had the idea to give his clients some coffee and baked goods during their consultations at his new apartment/center. Excited for his new business and as someone who is always eager to help, I suggested we try making cookies to see how it went. (What I didn’t tell Liron is that I could quite possibly be the worst baker in the Tri-state area. Upon further reflection, he wouldn’t have even known what the “Tri-state” area is, so it wouldn’t have mattered anyway).

This is NOT chicken - THIS is curly halva

Although I’m terrible at baking, being the only female on the journey (yes, yes, sexist comment), I had to fight the honey haze in my head and try to remember all the ingredients for chocolate chip cookies while we browsed the aisles of the grocery store. I’m definitely no Betty Crocker, but I did a sufficient job at naming all the ingredients and we almost made it out with everything we needed. This included a bottle of wine (which I find is a key ingredient to have on hand when attempting to bake something. However, I fully acknowledge that drinking a bottle of wine while trying to decipher a cookie recipe could be the key reason why I am awful at baking). Harley found his beloved “halva,” which is an Israeli dessert made of honey and tahini (sesame paste). He even found the “curly” version which to me, looked like a tub of pulled chicken, but tasted like a gift from God. This brought our sugar consumption quota to “three” major items. It was going to be a sweet night.

With our box of baked goods, tub of heavenly halva and bags filled with items needed for our cookie creations, we continued on our journey.  However excited I was at the prospect for an indulgent evening, sugar aside, what I had actually been craving all day was a chance to jump on the Internet to check for news from my parents regarding my dad’s condition. The results of his test, or news of further tests were still weighing on my mind and although I made light by joking that I had just said hello to my friends and would probably be turning right around and saying goodbye to return home in two weeks, I really didn’t find it funny.  I was worried for my family and my dad and, for my future.  My mom was supposed to have gotten some news about the recommendations for further tests or surgery that day, so we stopped by Liron’s parent’s house to use their internet.  While I was getting news from my mom’s emails, Liron and Harley were getting news from Liron’s dad who seems to know everything about everything, especially when it comes to sight-seeing and touristy trips.

Once I checked my email – after Liron showed me how to turn the keyboard from Hebrew to English – I found that my dad had tests scheduled for the following Monday, but other than that, all was assumed Ok. I sighed a breath of relief knowing that “no news” can be good news and at least it hadn’t been notification of upcoming surgery.  I logged off thinking, “Well, I know I’ll be here for at least one more week.”  In one week, the following Monday, I would receive the results of the next set of tests, and whether or not surgery was needed.  Until then, who knew?  I could be returning home to be with my family and then try to come up with some sort of new plan for my life and travels.  Or, I could be continuing on my merry way as originally planned.

Flooding in Bangkok

It was a strange feeling to be floating along day by day, not really knowing if all plans would be changing in a few short weeks. However, finally feeling content that all was alright for the moment and knowing I would remain with my friends for at least another week, I went back to the living room to chat with Liron’s family and get in on the tourist ideas.  While we chatted, the news was on the television which I conveniently tuned out as I didn’t speak Hebrew and it all just sounded like garbled static to my uneducated ears.  Language deficiency aside, I could, however, comprehend the images flashing upon the screen.  As a few pictures and series of videos appeared, my new-found feelings of peace-of-mind drained from my soul and the a fresh feeling of anxiety washed over me.  I still didn’t understand a word of Hebrew coming from the news caster’s mouth, but it didn’t take a genius to infer what was taking place as footage and images of intense flooding in streets and the country side and the words “Bangkok” appeared on the screen.

Relief camp in Bangkok Int airport

I knew there had been unseasonably strong rains in Thailand which had caused some flooding in the north, but the news, as translated by Liron, stated the river had become so high the government was forced to lift the floodgates to relieve the pressure for fear they would break. This caused the northern part of Bangkok and surrounding areas to be flooded, and had also caused the closing of the International airport. Further images showed tents and relief efforts stationed in the Bangkok International airport, with families huddled together and hundreds of people standing in line to receive food dished out by volunteer workers.  It was reported that the Thai government had put out a statement saying the rains were too heavy and they were no longer able to control the situation. They advised against all travel to Bangkok and Thailand, unless absolutely necessary.  It wasn’t a statement to argue with. I mean, how do you travel to a country when their main International airport is converted to a refugee camp and filled with hundreds of hungry flood victims?

Witnessing these reports, I suddenly felt like I was “floating” along in my travels and therefore, my life, with all decisions of which direction I would take slipping away like water through my fingers. At first, the decision was simply a matter of returning home to Indiana to be with my family if need be.  If there wasn’t a need, no decision had to be made as I’d already decided before I left (and purchased my ticket) to travel on to Thailand at the end of my three weeks in Israel.  According to the news reports however, that decision could become null and void if the rains didn’t stop and the government officials couldn’t get the flooding  under control. At that point, traveling to Thailand may not even be an option at all.  The reports stated the Bangkok airport was scheduled to reopen on November 1st. My flight was booked for November 6th.  I would have to do some major dancing to the rain gods if I was to continue east toward Thailand. I know I had been adverse to making any decisions (even down to falafel orders!) due to the trauma the indecision to even take this trip had caused, but I definitely didn’t like the feeling of having no choice at all in the deciding factors of my life.

I sat on the couch, not wanting to be a worry wort and not wanting to full on freak out in front of Liron’s parents.  It was such an odd feeling to have, sitting there not knowing my future and not really having any control or say either way. It seemed that external factors were pulling strings attached to my life and for the moment, I was simply a passive puppet awaiting direction and movement from sources outside myself.  I started to feel frustrated at the extremely non-fluidic manner in which my trip was manifesting. I had a hard enough time launching myself into this lengthy travel adventure once again, and it had only been a couple of days that I had finally started to feel at ease and back to my old self.  The support of my friends and lots of dancing and fun times had finally lightened me up and launched my heart and soul soaring again.  I was just then feeling at peace with my journey having finally made the difficult decision to take off and travel once more.  However, it seemed from the reports I was receiving in just the one short week I’d been gone, apparently my limbo time for making difficult decisions wasn’t over like I’d thought.

At that point though, I did have one option – I had one choice I was in control of and that I could make. I couldn’t change the results of any tests, and I definitely can’t direct the weather gods, but I can choose how I want to feel about it all. I could let the power reside outside me with the worry and fear playing the role of the puppeteer and me, the passive puppet suffering silently.  Or, I could cut those strings and take back that power and choose a different path.  It would have been extremely easy to worry about the future and allow my Gemini brain to kick into high-functioning compulsive anxiety mode, but I chose a different state of mind for the moment.

How could I pass up a moment with these two?

I thought of my friends and how much I loved being with them. Would I ruin my trip and the time we had together with fears of the future?  The future would be whatever it would be, and I couldn’t do anything about it in that moment.  I would know in a week, and could make my decision then. At that time, I would know how I feel when any “real” news came forth regarding my family.  I also thought about who these particular friends are, where we met and what we all learned during our time in Guatemala. Hadn’t I learned a personal truth that when you open to the Universe and are willing to receive the gifts -”good” or “bad” it has to give, that you are always taken care of and given exactly what you need, right when you need it? If the Universe wanted me to return home, then I would and it would be exactly what I needed to do for some reason that even I may never know.  And if the Universe didn’t want me to travel to Thailand, there would be a reason. Maybe I was meant to be somewhere else?  I didn’t know in that moment and I wouldn’t know until the time came for the decision to be made.

I realized in that moment that it boiled down to trust and faith. Did I really trust the Universe? Did I really have faith that everything happens exactly as it should? When I check in with my self, I do believe that – with all my heart. The only “purpose” I had for this entire trip, was to learn how to trust the Universe and listen to my heart or intuition for the guidance I seek in my life. I had purposefully not made definitive plans just so I could attempt to live this way and solidify my relationship with the Universe, with LIFE and all it wants to offer me.  This was the reason behind the last-minute ticket to Israel and the one-way ticket to Thailand.  This was the type of trip I was seeking and the life-lesson I was hoping to ingrain.  Upon hearing the news of a flooded city and closed down airport, piled upon the unexpected news of unknown tests and medical issues with my family, I felt I was being “tested” at that moment.  I had put out the intention to give over to the Universe, and I felt like this was my test to see if I could live that belief.

Sometimes though, trust and faith are preceded with “choice.”  You consciously choose to have trust and to believe, and then you open to whatever comes to you, already knowing (because you trust) that whatever you will receive, is exactly the right thing for you at that moment in your life (because you believe). This is true even if you don’t understand the “why” behind what comes your way.  It seemed ironic that by regaining my power to choose how I felt about all the unknowns flying around me, my choice led me to a place of complete surrender and letting go.  Surrender isn’t normally equated with feeling “powerful” (more like feeling vulnerable!) but for me, when I mix it with both trust and faith, and belief in the unconditionally loving and omnipotent wisdom of the Universe, that surrender is the most powerful feeling I have ever felt.  I feel whole when I let go and trust in whatever is, seeing it as a reflection of universal love, and knowing it can’t be any other way.  Accepting life in this manner, rather than resisting it, feels like freedom.  And in this crazy world of lessons and gifts and challenges, the most beautiful gift we are given is our free will.  We have the freedom to choose how we interpret things that happen “to us” and the freedom to choose how we feel and think about them. We are given the gift of choosing who we want to be, in any situation.

So instead of freaking out, I put my monkey mind thoughts in check and I chose to let it all just be exactly as it was. If I had to return in a few weeks, I would return. If the entire country of Thailand submerged or floated away, I would deal with that when the time came. I had made a pact to myself before leaving on this trip that I would be open to whatever gifts came my way. I was curious what would happen if “I” got out of my own way and let Life, or God (or whatever you choose to call it) direct me where I needed to be. It would take a lot of trust, a lot of faith and it would test my belief. So maybe these were the first of my “tests?”  And how did I answer on my first test – with a blank page, choosing to leave myself open to whatever gifts were in store for me, regardless of any news I would receive in one week, or in which unexpected direction my life would take.

Ma Sha'a Allah in Arabic

I love synchronicity ( it being yet another sign that the Universe is always conspiring to help you along your path) and I had learned something earlier that day that helped me in that moment.  Harley had taught me a phrase earlier in the day while we were in the Arabic part of Haifa. (I think he taught me this phrase back in Mexico, but I had prompted him to remind me what it was that day as I’d forgotten how it went).  It is a phrase almost all Arabs say after a greeting, certain statements and most sentences. You say, “En sha’a Allah” which means “God willing.” You can also say, “Ma sha’a Allah” meaning “God has willed it.”  Having made my choice to surrender t0 the Universe, I decided this was just the phrase I needed for my current situation. Maybe it was a phrase that summed up the entire essence of how I wanted to be while on my journey. Would I go home in a week or two? En sha’a Allah. Would I make it to Thailand? If God wills it. What should I do with my life and this trip? – Whatever God wills me to do. There was a lot of peace in my heart when I thought of it this way. I no longer felt worried or stressed at what would happen in the future. God had it under control and I was taken care of. I had faith that whatever happened was exactly what was supposed to happen. If it was God’s will, then it would be my will too.

Liron contemplating the dream

So with an unknown future but a peaceful heart I gathered up my things and we drove back to Liron’s apartment. That night, we never made the cookies, but the boys did teach me how to prepare a hooka. That’s a recipe Betty Crocker never outlined in her book. We sat around, the three ex-roommies minus the fourth (our lovely friend Kathryn who is currently traveling around India), smoking apple-flavored tobacco, drinking wine and coffee and digging into the halva and honey treats. We philosophized about the nature of life and “what if it really was just a dream?” In most yogic traditions, they call the world we live in “maya” or illusion, as in “non-reality.” In esoteric traditions, they say the world is one infinite mind and all we see and experience is simply imagined visions or projections of that mind. So what if this world is just a dream? Aren’t we part of that mind and don’t we participate in that illusion? We discussed what it takes to manifest your reality, or turn your dreams and visions into true existence. And how does this compare to opening to the flow of Universal gifts and messages?  One bottle of wine was not sufficient for this type of conversation, and after the hooka died down we made our way out into the illusory world outside the apartment for more supplies. .

We stopped by a little corner shop, purchased the wine and a bag of roasted pumpkin seeds. I had to explain to Liron and Harlz that Halloween was just around the corner and pumpkin seeds are a must to celebrate the season, even if I was half-way around the world from those typical traditions. We walked to a park nearby, sat on a stone wall above a fountain and continued our conversation about the dream world. The night was dark as it had gotten late and the city seemed to have fallen into a peaceful sleep. Our moods became subdued and we sat in each others’ company, with our own silent thoughts. After a bit, we decided we needed to keep on moving, so got up, linked arms in arms and left the peaceful setting.

This is a wild boar - in the wild

Heading back to Liron’s pad, we walked by a string of shops with little gardens out front. As we walked beneath the wedding dress shop (one of the 10,000 in Israel), there was a rustle in the bushes to our right. We looked over the shrub fence and couldn’t quite make out the large animal that was roaming about. Assuming it was a dog, we continue our walk without further thought.  But just as we passed by, out of the bushes right behind us popped out the largest wild boar I’ve ever seen! Largest? Wait, it was the ONLY wild boar I’d ever seen – at least one that wasn’t behind some enclosed area at the zoo. You know, a zoo, the place for wild animals? This creature of the night came trotting out from the boutique wedding dress garden, like a stray dog looking for scraps, crossed the paved streets of Haifa, and trotted on down the opposite sidewalk to a little path that led it into a forested area of the city.  The only comparison I have to offer, is that of the terrifying image ingrained in my mind from childhood of “Rodents of Unusual Size” from the movie, The Princess Bride.  However, last time I checked, I was no Princess Buttercup and this wasn’t the Fire Swamp.  This was Haifa.

Making the rational assumption this was a common experience, or that it was some sort of domesticated, city-dwelling wild boar, I immediately wanted to cross the street and get a closer look (this ingenious thought was probably the results of the wine). Both Harley and Liron yelled to stop, and that wild boars were very dangerous animals. I stood frozen in my steps and could barely speak out of sheer confusion. “Liron?” I asked, “Do baby-eating, savage wild boars often roam the streets of your city?” I really didn’t get it – I mean, a wild boar? In Haifa? Now Haifa isn’t some two-road truck stop in the desert. It is Israel’s third largest city and definitely not what I would assume common stomping ground for POUS (Pigs of Unusual Size). I would have been less shocked to see a camel walking about. I mean, at least when we were driving through the desert that weekend, there were cautionary camel crossing signs. I know I’d only been in Haifa a few days, but nowhere had I seen a “Beware of Wild Boar” sign. As the absurdity of the moment sunk in, we all three began to laugh hysterically. Who sees wild pigs checking out the latest bridal fashion in the wee hours of the morning – I guess we do. If life really is just a dream, what a strange dream we were dreaming for ourselves that evening…

Seeing a theme to the day (boys, bakeries and boars), I suggested we stop at the corner cafe selling late-night burekas (the very same flaky cheesy pastries Liron had cooked for dinner that first evening). We laughed with the young guy behind the cash register, or maybe he was laughing at us. We were still in a rare mood due to the random wild-life sighting mixed with the bottles of wine. And we laughed as we devoured our fresh cheesy burekas, filled with olives, one with mushrooms and one filled with pure cheese. Between fits of laughter, I suddenly felt it was the perfect time for my continued Hebrew lesson and begged Liron and Harley (who was practically and Israeli by that point) to teach me additional phrases in Hebrew. This of course resulted in more laughter as I’ve already explained my extreme deficiency in my ability to decipher the pronunciation of any word, and especially in my ability to repeat that word back, especially after several glasses of wine. Liron and Harley taught me the common Israeli phrase, “Lama Kacha” (pronounced “Lama Ka-ha”)which means “Why like this?” According to UrbanDictioinary.com it means:

(LAMA KACHA?), can be used if someone did something wrong and/or bad to you or in general to human kind… Can be also used in situations of surprise (most likely a bad surprise) said after a shocking action or an insult.

Seriously - a wild boar!

It would have been quite a fitting phrase to have known a few hours earlier when spotting the random and shocking occurrence of witnessing a wild-boar cross the road. Instead of staring in disbelief, we all three could have thrown up our hands in an exaggerated gesture, looked at each other wide-eyed and crazy and screamed, “Lama Kacha?!!!”  A wild boar in Haifa?!!  ”Why like this?!!”

In fact, it seems I could have used this phrase to question many of the happenings of the day.  Why did my dad’s test results come back with need for future tests?  Why did I get the news just two days after I arrived in Israel and was now in a waiting game for news from doctors to determine the course of my family, my travels and my life?  Why was it the worst monsoon rains in Thailand the time I decide to travel there? Why can’t the floodgates hold and the Thai officials keep on top of the situation?  Why all these crazy things taking place at once in my life?  Why like this?!

But it seemed that Harley had taught me another phrase that day that answered those questions. In fact, “Lama Kacha” or “Why like this?!!” usually said in such exasperated tones and accompanied with feelings of shock and disbelief, now had an answer.  “En Sha’a Allah.”  God willing or, “Ma Sha’a Allah” because God wills it.

So we sat there and laughed about all we’d seen that day (especially the dangerous wild-life cruising the streets of Haifa) and we laughed at how stupid I sounded, wine or not, trying to speak Hebrew. (I think at that point Liron could have thrown up his hands in frustration at my lack of language skills and aptly shouted to the heavens, “Lama Kacha?!!” as well).  And through that laughter, I felt pure happiness and peace, that can only come from a heart not burdened by the worries of the future or the sometimes unanswerable question of why things are the way they are.  For me, trusting in something greater than my self and having faith that the true nature of this beautiful force in our lives is unconditional love, allows me to feel at peace and have a light heart in the midst of stormy weather.

It’s not that I don’t care about the people I love, humanity in general or the things happening in this world. But I choose to move beyond that place of suffering and simply believe that everything is as it’s meant to be for us to learn the lessons we need to learn on our path back to God.  I think it’s simple when we choose to see it that way. So when you ask yourself, “Why like this?  Why is my situation like this? Why is life like this?”  Maybe you can find peace in the answer “Because God wills it.”  And when you trust and believe that the Universe loves you, and loves all beings unconditionally, you know that you are right where you need to be at that moment and the world is just as it needs to be as well.

We all have paths and we all have our own personal lessons and challenges we need to learn to grow in who we are.  Only God (or the Universe, or however you choose to call that force flowing through life) knows what those lessons are for us.  The lessons will come regardless of whether we believe that or not; they always do.  But, we have the gift of choice in those moments. We can question “Why?!!” until we are sick with disappointment or frustration, or sadness or anger.  Or, we can choose the powerful path of letting it all go and simply trusting in “Because God wills it.”  And then it’s from that place, in that moment, we can choose who and how we want to be.

And here’s a tip. If those choices start to become confusing or overwhelming, it’s always beautiful and always right to simply choose love – however that manifests for you.  For me, having given all my worries over to the Universe that evening, I chose to love the fact I was sitting with my friends in Israel – to love the fact that late-night burekas felt perfectly warm in my belly – to love the fact that a box full of honey-coated sweets were waiting for us when we returned – to simply love all that was, right there in front of me.  When I choose to look at life that way, I believe, beyond any doubt in my heart or mind, that we are truly loved by the life around us.  Love, which is life and the unconditional gift of the Universe, is everywhere – outside us and within us. We simply have to choose to see it that way.

Having survived an all-night trance party Friday night, getting two hours of sleep the next morning followed by three hours of driving back to Mika’s house, somehow Liron and I managed to stay awake on the hour-long train ride from Tel Aviv to Haifa. Although I had been hanging out with Liron since late Thursday night, there was so much activity and craziness, we hadn’t really had a chance to talk ourselves. And Liron and I always have much to discuss.

But first, now is when I get to tell you about Liron, because I love this man so very dearly!

Liron - tempting us with food (Guatemala 2010)

During my time at the meditation course, I became acquainted with Liron as we would chat here and there throughout the three months either outside the meditation temple, by the lake or over dinner (except when we were ALL fasting and Liron, who didn’t care about it, would be in the kitchen making fried egg and guacamole sandwiches in front of our starving and food deprived faces). Sometimes we’d chat while sitting in soggy pools of our own dripping sweat inside the sauna that got fired up every Sunday. These chats were quite brief, at least for me, because whenever Liron was in the sauna, you knew it was going to be excruciatingly hot! He was well-known for piling on the firewood and getting it as steamy as you could stand it – which I never could – yet he’d sit in there forever just breathing in the heat and purifying himself to the core.

He would sometimes come around to my cabin to discuss certain ideas related to the things we were learning and we’d end up talking for long amounts of time. Sometimes he’d come with new insights he’d just discovered and wanted to share, and sometimes he’d come around with chocolate or some other treat that we’d share as well. That is Liron – he is extremely generous. He is willing to share all that he has with you openly and without attachment. He loves ideas and knowledge and once he’s on to something, he is ready to pass along that knowledge to anyone who would like to listen, all for the sake of helping and supporting others on their journey. He truly is a giver and has dedicated himself to a life of service and helping people advance on their spiritual path. This was a major part of his second Sun Course as you will see.

LIron (with Mika) showing us a new Tarot spread he discovered

Liron had already done the Sun Course once before and had decided to do it a second time with a specific purpose. A few years back, he had left Israel and flew to Mexico to travel and see the world. As the story seems to go with all of us who attend this particular meditation course, he was drawn there through a very serendipitous path. I’m sure he had no idea what he was getting into and how this place would change his life – none of us did! I laughed out loud when he told the story of how he walked up to the reception area, having never been interested in spirituality, having never meditated in his life or attended a yoga class, but just decided to stop in because he was curious.

Sometime we choose the spiritual path, and sometimes it chooses us and it seems we have no choice. For Liron, I believe it was this way. He stayed the first month to do the beginning level (Moon Course), and immediately knew that he would stay the next three months to do the second level, or Sun Course. His let-loose and “see the world” adventure had turned into a serious spiritual path and he’s never looked back. During his first Sun Course, he met Orel (our friend who passed away in Israel when he returned home last summer). And it was Orel who had returned to Guatemala years later to do the Sun Course a second time (having not completed it the first round). Upon hearing this, Liron had decided to return as well. The Sun Course is an emotionally intense inner journey and to do it once, seems like enough for several lifetimes. To do it twice, well, you must have some serious spiritual goals for your future. Liron definitely did. He returned to the Sun Course a second time to solidify his dreams and plans of opening his own spiritual center one day as well.

Liron was one of the four roommates who decided to stay in the house after the course and at this time I further got to know this intriguing Israeli. While we lived together, we watched countless documentaries and movies on my laptop, had marathon discussions on the books we were reading, laughed a lot, smoked cigarettes on the back porch under the night sky overlooking the lake, cooked amazing feasts, laughed some more and supported each other like a family. Liron has his own unique wisdom that is subtle yet powerful at the same time. We’d sit and discuss certain points of view and he’d blurt out these “Liron-isms” such as his “Plan A and Plan B” view of how to live your life. He taught us how all our plans in life, our work and the things we want to do and think we’ll do – those are all “Plan B.” Our “Plan A” should always be to stay open to what the Universe brings us, to be ready to receive those messages, gifts and direction. This is the most important focus, then everything else we think we should be doing comes next. I love this and still try to use it as a guiding principle of my life.

Feminsim aside, I did let Liron cook for me

During our time at the house, I really grew to love Liron, as well as my other roommates, for we all shared a special bond. However, the bond Liron and I share is unique and he has taught me many important lessons I needed to learn. He was always so loving toward me, treating me so well, being so gentlemanly and supportive and the whole time, I would resist his unconditional kindness for the sake of the feminine revolution, thinking I wasn’t strong if I needed someone’s help or allowed them to do things for me (I’ve had this problem in the past with guys and friends who try to help me). We’d walk back from town carrying bags of heavy groceries, and Liron would say, “Drea, let me carry those.” And of course I’d say, “No thanks, I’ve got it.” Liron would always smile, look at me and say, “I KNOW you have it, but just let someone do something nice for you ok?” And of course I would still resist just to be stubborn and not want to give in to letting anyone help me. This is just one of many examples of Liron trying to teach me to accept kindness and love – but I am a slow learner

One of the biggest and most touching lessons he ever taught me was the last night we saw each other before he traveled to Cancun for a month and then returned to Israel. We, including our other roommate Kathryn, were all in San Cristobal de las Cruces, Mexico, a quaint, colonial town on the border of Mexico and Guatemala. It was our last night together as Liron was heading east to Cancun and Kathryn and I were heading west to Mazunte to the yoga school. Kathryn had turned in early that evening so Liron and I hit the town for a last night celebration. We had beers at a salsa bar and then somehow made our way to a full-on Mexican discoteca complete with Regaton, lazer lights and a fog machine. This not being much of my scene, I remember just sitting there while Liron was up and dancing. After a while, and a few more beers, I decided to get out there and dust off my salsa moves. It ended up being a really fun night of dancing and drinking and as always, lots of laughing.

Me and Liron in Mexico on our last night (2010)

As the discoteca closed down and everyone started to leave, I became really sad to say goodbye to Liron. We had become so close, like family, and I didn’t know when I would see him again. We hugged each other tightly and then he leaned in and gave me a kiss. He then told me the most beautiful message that I will remember always. He looked in my eyes and told me, with such sincerity and emotion, that he loved me, unconditionally. But what he wanted from me was for ME to love me. He told me I was beautiful and amazing, but that I needed to realize I was beautiful and amazing. He then encouraged me, when I left on my next leg of my journey the following day, to go to Mexico, to kiss other boys, to go have fun, do yoga and most of all, to go and fall in love with myself.

I stood there speechless, in the middle of a Mexican discoteca, with the fog machine still spewing clouds of smoke and the neon lights still twirling all about us, and I started to cry. My heart started to ache and I absolutely felt such intense love coming from Liron. His message was so selfless, so giving and so unconditionally loving. At that moment, I really felt grateful to know him, to be his friend and to love him and to be loved by him. I felt humbled to be standing in front of such a generous and loving man. And that’s Liron – generous, loving, insightful, wise and magical. He had really touched my heart and soul and made me cry tears of loving gratitude at his message – in a discoteca of all places.

More than a year had passed since that night in Mexico and when I arrived in Israel, I was eager to see Liron and learn where this fascinating, giving and loving man had taken his life. I knew Liron was magical and could make any of his dreams come true, but I can tell you know, that I had NO clue just how amazing he truly is.

The business card for, "Curiosity"

When we finally had a chance to chat on the train to Haifa, he began to tell me more about his focus and work the previous year. Since our parting in Mexico, Liron has been dedicated to building his spiritual center and courses – a business he calls, “Curiosity” for those who are curious and seek answers about who they are, where they came from, and where they are going. He has spent the past year logging hundreds of hours in front of the computer outlining and creating his business and vision for his life. He tried to explain the best he could about which courses he’d created, the manuals he’d written and the new apartment/center he had just rented and moved into less than one week prior.

You see, we were all in Israel at the same time for very special, yet very specific and individual reasons. I was looking for something, Harley was finalizing plans to move to Australia, Mika and Narkis were starting their first years at school, Annalisa had come to get away and recharge with her fellow Sunnies, and Liron was putting into action the entire year’s worth of work he’d just completed. It was no coincidence that he had moved into his apartment the previous Sunday and that Harley showed up the very next day. And then here I was, on a train with him to see his new place, his new life and support him all the way, less that a week later. That’s what’s so magical about this Sun Family. We have this bond and I have a feeling we will be supporting each other in all endeavors for the rest of our lives.

Doors from the living room into the Sun/Treatment room

Liron’s dad, David, was waiting at the train station to welcome us back to Haifa and escort us to Liron’s apartment. We made it inside with all our bags (all my bags), which I immediately dropped and asked that Liron show me around. His place was beyond my wildest imagination and if I were going to sum up the essence of his new dwelling in one word, it would be “doors.” You see, physically, the apartment had door after door after door –like it was never-ending. Liron showed me around – through this door is the bedroom (big and roomy) and then through another door in the bedroom was the office – an enclosed type porch with windows running one entire side. On the desk were Liron’s business and life plans proudly displayed in plain sight for him to remained focused.

Through the dining room was a doorway into the porch or “waiting room” that melted into the “healing room” complete with a professional massage table. At the end of that room were double doors that opened into his temple, or meditation room containing all the elements, an altar and medi pillows all around. As the tour went on, it was doorway after doorway – into the living room, the shower/bathroom, the toilet, the kitchen and into the storage area. There were so many rooms that I considered asking Liron for a map fearing I may just get a bit turned around.

Each time he opened a door to another room, so neatly and perfectly decorated, I felt like doors in my heart were opening and I was shining forth more and more love, happiness and excitement for all the Liron had built for his life vision. Have you ever had a friend who accomplished something quite incredible, dedicated a large part of his life to making something happen and then you stand there with them as their dreams unfold right before you and become reality and you get to participate in the beautiful miracle of it all? Well I have. And that friend is Liron. To me, his apartment not only contained quite a few physical doors and doorways, it symbolized a transition, a doorway into the next phase of his life. It’s as if all his journeys and experiences from the past few years were stored in one room, and the previous year he had been standing on the threshold of entering into a new room, a new phase and a new reality. This apartment, which not only is a beautiful place to live, but would double as his “center” as he built his spiritual school, was the physical space in which all his dreams would, and were, coming true.

Doors are opening wide for Liron and his dreams

I stood there as Liron proudly showed me around, and I felt humbled and peaceful and grateful for such beautiful things taking place in the life of someone I truly love. I can honestly say that I thought I knew Liron before, but as he talked about his business and I saw with my own eyes all that he had accomplished and built (including five complete and professional manuals for courses he was prepared to teach) I felt a doorway open into Liron that I had never seen before as well. He had always shared ideas and thoughts about projects with me during our time in Guatemala, but I had NO idea the power and drive behind his intentions and beliefs. Seeing Liron’s work and his life in Haifa, opened my eyes to seeing Liron in a completely different way as well. You meet a lot of dreamers – on the spiritual path and in life, of which I am most definitely included in this category. It’s beautiful to dream about the great things we want to do in our lives, the inspirational ideas and the ways we want to contribute. But it’s awe-inspiring to witness someone who actually puts in the courage and the work to make that dream come true. I was proud of Liron for all he’d accomplished, and I felt I learned an important lesson of what is possible when you dream it, believe it, work hard for it, and then open to the Universe to receive it. Liron had done his best to formulate Plan B, and then he gave over to Plan A. In return, he was given many gifts, and he deserves them all.

After I regained my speech and stopped staring in wide-eyed wonder at the apartment I would call home for the next few days, Liron cooked us a light dinner of salad and burekas since we were both hungry from a long day of traveling. Although I’m sure he was exhausted, he took the time to set the table, light the candles and place the meal on the dining table in a way that I felt we were celebrating something quite special at a five-star restaurant. This is another subtle lesson I learned from Liron – he has a way of appreciating the simple, yet important things in life, and truly enjoying them.

Having dnner versus "Dining"

We could have sat on the couch and polished off a bag of chips before crashing into bed. Instead, he carefully arranged the meal as something special, because it was special. It was nourishing food shared between friends who had not seen each other in so long. When I commented on how nice it was to sit and eat dinner this way, he explained that our first “taste” of the food always comes from our eyes and so the appearance is crucial to a good meal – sometimes regardless of what you’re eating. It’s the subtle appreciation for beauty and life that I find so unique about Liron and his perspective on things.

As much as I loved being in the apartment, having dinner with Liron and wanting to soak up every second, once my belly was full of warm flaky burekas (a kind of cheesy filo pastry dish), my sleep deprivation set in. We both cleaned up and crashed out. We needed a good night’s sleep because we had to get up the next day and prepare ourselves for more dancing and drinking at his friend Keren’s wedding.

When I awoke the next morning, Liron was already gone, having left the apartment to take his car to the shop. He left me a note inviting me to make myself at home, and I gladly did. The place had such a bright and airy and inviting feel that I felt I WAS home. After a whirlwind first few days, it was so welcome to just sit with my coffee, read a bit of my book, do some writing and enjoy the silence of the morning knowing there was nothing I had to do but relax. It’s like Liron knew this was exactly what I needed and so allowed me the space to just be alone for a bit of time.

He returned after an hour or so and we spent the day talking, talking and more talking, all about his business plan, his life plan and what it had taken to accomplish such things. His manuals were all written in Hebrew and I made the poor soul translate and read many pages to me. I was eager to see how he compiled all the vast information we had learned at the meditation center and organized it into an “easily digestable” format. It had been well over a year and I still felt like my head was spinning from all the information! How had he sorted it out and put it down in a way he could teach others? He did it with lots of hard work and heart-felt dedication.

The day seemed to fly by and soon it was time to get ready for the wedding. Primping turned into quite the process since I hadn’t added, “sexy dress to wear at posh Israeli wedding” to my packing list. I did the best I could – as in, I at least showered and put on some make-up. I had brought this flowing beachy skirt that could be maneuvered and converted into a semi-acceptable strapless dress, so tied myself up in it, threw on a bit of jewelry and called it my best attempt. Thankfully, as Liron would teach me in a few short days, life always has options – you just have to see them. He suggested we head to his sister Meytal’s place to see if I could borrow something from her closet, hoping she had more options than my “I’m going to live on an island in Thailand and do yoga for six months so am allowed to look frumpy” attire I had brought with me.

It’s always lovely, upon meeting your friend’s family members for the first time to say “Hi and nice to meet you. Cute dress. Can I wear it?” Ya, Meytal and I got girly close really fast She brought me into her room and went through her closet laying out options I may like. I tried on a few dresses and finally decided on a tight little black dress perfect for shaking it Israeli style. Now that I felt a bit more like a socialite rather than a beach bum, we decided to hang around the apartment for a little bit so that we would arrive, quite appropriately I would say – a bit fashionably late.

Little Ma'ayan

While we sipped our tea, I was constantly entertained by Liron’s little two-year old niece Ma’ayan who spent the entire time running from one room to the next, reading books, coloring scribbled pictures, pointing to the TV and repeating Hebrew words she was learning and running a toy grocery cart into Liron’s leg the entire time. This little blonde beauty has buckets of curls, big beautiful eyes and the sweetest – and funniest disposition. Besides being adorable, she is also the perfect little teacher and I received my first lesson in Hebrew from this advanced prodigy. We sat side by side, studying heavy Hebrew texts such as “The Yellow Bear and Little Dog Do a Dance” or “Two birds Fly and One Sits in a Tree.” You know, I’m not even sure what advanced books this two-year old was reading but they seemed quite difficult to me, although quite entertaining with their cartoon pictures and brightly colored pages. Upon further reflection, I’m sure they were part of some ancient manuscript that when finally deciphered, reveals to you the key of life and all existence. I guess I’ll never know because they were way over my head. I mean, all I got out of them was something about “bear hug” which I’ve been contemplating the mysterious and symbolic truth of these words ever since …

Once I gave up on my Hebrew lesson, we said our goodbyes to sweet little Ma’ayan, who ran up to Liron screaming “Li-ronni, “Li-ronni” and gave him a huge bear hug. (Ahhhh – so this little girl understands the mystery of those words …). I thanked Meytal again for dolling me up and we were on our way to the wedding.

My Hebrew lessons actually continued on the way to the wedding with Liron teaching me several phrases that I immediately forgot. There’s something about Hebrew that just won’t sink into my brain. Actually there’s MANY things that won’t permeate my brain but it’s even like my ears seem to reject this particular knowledge and language as well. I would have to have people repeat themselves multiple times before I could even begin to comprehend the sounds that are coming from their mouths. When I try to repeat the word or phrase back to them, it’s like my mouth is a mirror reflection of the original word and I end up saying it completely backward, upside down and all squiggly sounding. I needed to log a few more studious hours with little Ma’ayam before Liron should let me out in public. The 30 minutes spent in the car, the only phrase I mastered was, “Mazel Tov! At Kusit” which I was to say to Liron’s friend Keren, the bride. (I later found out this translates to, “Congratulations, you’re hot.” Thanks Liron

Me and Liron - an enchanted evening

We arrived at the wedding at the exact right moment because as Liron always says, “A wizard is never late, nor is he early. A wizard arrives precisely when he means to.” (Ok you Lord of the Ring buffs ..) I’m not sure the exact hour we walked through the gates, but I do know we landed in a magically enchanted forest that very well could have been Middle Earth (minus the stumpy hobbits with big hairy feet). The reception hall was set among a beautifully manicured forested area with lights twinkling in the trees giving the illusion the entire place was lit by candle glow. The outdoor deck area was set with cocktail tables and several gourmet food and carving stations, as well as a lengthy bar distributing complimentary beverages, which of course we accepted.

With wine in hand, we strolled around the beautiful grounds admiring the simple beauty of this magical place. We sat apart in the grassy area for a bit, discussing our thoughts on love and marriage and how we envisioned our dream life would look. I had never really thought about my dream wedding, but looking around, I would have been more than happy if it looked a little something like this. The ceremony began and we made our way to the other side of the gardens to stand by the Hoopa, a tent-like structure supported by four posts where the bride and groom, along with their families and Rabbi stand for the ceremony.

A Path to a New Life Together

The guests made a path and Liron’s friends Keren and Yossi came walking down as we all blew bubbles to add to the magic of the evening. My favorite part about the ceremony – other than you were able to stand and drink your wine while it was taking place, was at the end when they were officially announced as a married couple, all the friends and family in attendance rushed the hoopa and crammed underneath to congratulate the newly weds. I stood to the side, as Liron jumped up to give his blessings and congratulations, and I smiled at all the friends and family crowding in – so close, so real, so heart-felt, hugging and kissing and really being with the couple. This was true family and true community. During that evening of heart-felt happenings, I fell more in love with the Israeli people and their passion for each other.

Once the official ceremony was over, it was a mad dash into the reception hall for the full-on gourmet buffet dinner. I loaded my plate with a pool of hummus, warm pitas and all the salads that could I could fit. We sat and filled our bellies with more wine and I informed Liron, in the midst of this huge wedding filled with many people, if there was ever a moment when he couldn’t find me or felt like he had lost me, don’t look to the dance floor, and don’t look to the bar. He just need return to the buffet station and he would find me swimming in the punch bowl of hummus. I turned to show him exactly of which buffet station I spoke (I sort of wasn’t kidding) and was aghast to see they had torn it down and stolen my hummus heaven from me. About to shed tears once again amidst fog machines, flashing lights and techno music (rather than Regaton), with Liron present to witness this emotional breakdown, the moment was spared as I noticed they had only torn down the hummus buffet to make way for the dessert buffet. My heaven just got happier.

The "Key" is in the dessert!

Liron and I paired up to divide and conquer the vast selection of treats and sweets. There were cups of warm custards sprinkled with pistachios, chocolate mousse truffle delights, cakes, baklavah and then, randomly, neon-colored, sugar-coated assorted gummies. This was definitely my vision of heaven – chocolate AND gummies – Liron was never going to get me on the dance floor with this temptation before me. We sat in our blissed-out nirvana oohing and ahhing over the various sweets, laughing the whole time because we felt sure that regardless of what any ancient mysterious text or spiritual system or yogic path would tell you, we had found the key to enlightenment. It was a particular flaky pastry that we then dipped into the warm custard – in fact it was anything dipped into that warm custard. The key to life was right in front of us, and we were enjoying every ounce of it.

However, as anything in this world of duality has to have an end, so too did our divine desserts. Feeling quite gluttonous, it was time for me to make it to the dance floor. From that point on, I spent the entire night dancing and twirling and reviving my Israeli trance moves from the previous few days. At certain points I did end up losing Liron, but I felt right at home, on a dance floor full of strangers, belly full of hummus and heavenly sweets, twirling and dancing to the beats, loving love and what weddings represent, . Mika was right, there really isn’t much in life that can’t be solved by dancing. And dancing amongst your dear friends and loving family members, as we always do at weddings, these mark even more touching moments of pure happiness in our lives.

I watched Keren and Yossi, smiling and laughing, hugging friends and shaking it with their family members, and my heart was happy for this loving couple who had chosen to begin their life two-by-two that very evening. Although, with all the people still celebrating with them late into the evening – including the old men and a three-year old girl chasing the twirling lights, I realized that even when we are two-by-two in this life, we are always with hundreds of friends and loved ones as well, like one big multiplied family. I tried to figure how this would work out mathematically, but having had too much wine and too much fun thus far, I simply decided that the sum worked out to one amazing infinite love.

This is paradise

The night got a big crazy as the “shots girls” came around the dance floor pouring shots of Schnapps for everyone to drink. Did I mention I loved this wedding? Each time she came around, I turned down the shots thinking they were hard liquor (I was NOT channeling my undergrad self that night). Once Liron explained it was only Schnapps, well of course in that case ….we would cheers and take them together. As the Schnapps shots flowed, the music turned a bit wild and grandpa’s were dancing with flower girls who were twirling and friends of the couple were jumping up and down. It culminated with the Schnapps girl coming around near the end, and having gotten the drill down by that point, I graciously accepted, raised my glass, looked Liron in the eye and said “Le’Chaim!” as I threw back the shot. I fought hard not to throw it right back up too. This time it wasn’t Schnapps, but straight whiskey. Not always the worse, but not always the best when you are expecting something a bit smoother and lighter I turned to Liron and said, “Liron, la gente esta muy loca …. What the F*k?” (Right – so reference this video of the pop song which was played at the wedding.)

Liron was the perfect date to the wedding and we spent the entire night dancing, laughing – always laughing – and talking (always talking). It had been more than a year since the last time I saw him, and I found it quite ironic that the situation had been so similar. We had been dancing, drinking, laughing and talking in Mexico the night before he left (and of course followed by crying on my part). And here we were again, on a dance floor, this time in Israel, this time saying hello. If any tears were shed this time, they were only those of pure happiness.

The night finally began to wind down, and Liron, who had stopped drinking a while before, guided me out to the car to make our drive back to his apartment. I’m sure I talked his ear off about love and happiness and dancing and twirling and hummus, desserts and whiskey as we pulled away from our enchanted evening. It was a magical evening fit for a fairy tale. I can’t remember, but I’m pretty sure we needed to hurry home due to the time ticking down before Liron’s chariot turned into a pumpkin and the evening was officially over. I played the part of Sleeping Beauty and fell into a deep dreaming sleep in the passenger seat of his car. I was exhausted from the weekend and it was the kind of sleep you don’t even remember falling into. I do remember I was dreaming something quite vivid, because when Liron woke me up, I was utterly confused at where I was (thinking I was just wherever I was in my dream).

I turned to him and smiled as I realized I had awoken from one dream right into another. I was with my dearest friend Liron – in Israel – having just come from a gorgeous wedding and arriving home to his palatial apartment. There was a comfy bed awaiting me and promises of more magical moments for the next day and next few weeks. If I had been awake enough to look at the night sky as we walked to his front door that evening, and if I had seen my first star in the sky to make a wish, I would have remained silent. There was nothing more I could have wished for in that moment, than to be exactly where I was.

Friday, October 21st – DRIVING

After a night of drinking Goldstars and vodka shots down under at the Outback Pub, the Sun(nies) rise was a bit late on Friday morning. How fitting we were at the “Outback Pub” that night since the next day, we would be meeting with our fourth Sunnie – Mr. Harley Q, the crazy Australian himself. Sluggish as we were that next morning, we were eager to get out of bed and get the day started to meet Harley in Tel Aviv. Now this poor particular Aussie had to get up at 5am to catch a five-hour bus ride from the south where he was staying with his girlfriend on the desert Kibbutz where they met. As he told it, the bus was filled with 18 and 19-year-old Israeli soldiers all carrying machine guns and gabbing on their iPhones, as they came home for the weekend on military leave. Not the most comfortable scenario, especially for a hippy Aussie, but one he was willing to endure just to soak up the radiance of us other Sunnies in Tel Aviv.

The Sun Course Family - Guatemala 2010

Now I feel I need to tell you a bit about Harley. If you haven’t caught on quite yet, all my friends and I met at a meditation course in Guatemala last year, and our particular level was called the “Sun Course.” (Now that may clear up the whole “Sunnie” and sun analogies and you can stop thinking I’m weird – at least for a while …) For the three months of the course, I didn’t really know Harley at all and we barely interacted or had conversations with each other – especially since during those three months we were in silence a total of 50 days, which makes becoming chums a bit difficult. We did meet in dreams sometimes, but that’s another story and too much to get into for one blog

Liron and Harley (who is so enlightened he flies) - Guatemala 2010

When I arrived in Guatemala, I immediately loved studying at the meditation course and the feel of living in San Marcos. So after just one month, I had decided to change my plane ticket and scrap all plans of returning home two months later to attend graduate school out in San Francisco. I wasn’t the only one who had decided to stay and a few of us, including Harley, decided to rent a house when the course finished on June 21^st. So I went from barley knowing Harley to being roommates with him for the next six weeks, living in a beautiful house on Lake Atitlan in Guatemala. During that time, I really got to know this crazy beautiful Aussie and we spent many nights discussing all things learned and experienced during our bizarre and life-changing time at the meditation course.

Harley’s story, and life for that matter, is unique and one worth being documented in some sort of novel or independent film. He left Australia three years earlier with the intention of traveling for six weeks to get away, explore and figure out his life (as all travelers do). Six weeks, however, turned into three solid years of traveling and growing. In that time, he bounced around Southeast Asia, South and Central America (and other places I can’t seem to keep track of) and then flew to Israel to work on a Kibbutz (desert commune of sorts). He fell in love with a beautiful Israeli girl who managed the volunteers, but then returned to Guatemala and the Sun Course just two months later following a spiritual calling he couldn’t ignore. This resulted in leaving his new-found love (an amazing girl named Debi) for another type of love, self-love – talk about dedication to the spiritual path!

Harley Q - Can you see his tattoo?

This is Harley, or Harley Q (short for Harlequin or Harley Quinn as I named him – due to my friend Niki auditioning and getting the part of Harley Quinn in a Bat Man movie around the same time I became well acquainted with Harley.) Harley follows his heart every step of the way and travels light, in his heart, soul and mind. And by traveling light I mean, this man is pure light. He is confident and kind, full of adventure and a bit loco. When he began traveling in India, he decided to take advantage of a “famous” tattoo artist in the area and didn’t just get the face of Buddha tattooed on his ankle or arm or some insignificant body part. No, he off-hand decided that he would get the complete face tattooed the entire expanse of his back, just because the artist randomly suggested it. He sees life and opportunities, doesn’t think twice and just goes for it. I sometimes think his tattoo sums up all that Harley is – crazy, embracing and expansive, and being that it is the face of Buddha, quite enlightened as well.

Making My Mom proud - drinking wine and rolling cigarettes - Guatemala 2010

During our time as roommates, Harley taught me many things that would make a mother proud. He taught me how to hand-roll cigarettes, ride a motorcycle in the volcanic hills of Guatemala, and was there with me supporting (and probably wanting to kill me) when I finally jumped off the towering rock into the lake that had always terrified me. This feat of finally taking the leap took a good 45 minutes as I stood at the edge freaking out and Harley patiently and calmly saying, “Drea – it’s only going to get harder the more you think about it … just jump …” (this advice followed by many minutes of being quite bored, yet never complaining or harassing me as the time ticked on and I still didn’t jump.) In the end, I only ended up jumping off the cliff because the kayak we’d taken over became untied and started floating away. At that moment Harley grabbed my shoulders, looked me square in the eyes and said, “If you don’t jump now, I am leaving you and you can swim back.” And then he turned and leaped off the cliff. As soon as he was clear, I ran to the edge and jumped, and we got to the kayak in time.

When our six weeks of roommie bliss was coming to an end, I had decided to travel to Mexico to attend a yoga school on the beaches of Mazunte. I had randomly heard about this school through a friend of a friend a few weeks earlier in passing conversation. Harley Q, being the spur of the moment, follow your intuition type of guy that he is, decided two days before I left that he would go too. So we further became friends during the next month and a half as we endured all that this yoga intensive had to offer us. And by “endured” I mean trying all the crazy yoga rituals they threw at us – purification techniques that included salt-water cleanses, yoga poses held for a lengthy amount of time, gulping two liters of water and then vomiting it back up (a memory that still makes me laugh: Harley and I standing in the forest of Mexico side by side, chugging water and then inducing vomiting all in the name of spirituality and purification. I remember thinking, “If our mothers could see us now, they would be so proud.”) Harley was the one who got the scorpions out of the room, and was there when I had Dengue Fever and helped keep my feverish nerves calmed while I was freaking out that I was never going to get better. Harley is like the brother I never had and I love him dearly as a member of my own family – of my Sun Family.

When he left Guatemala, he finally went home to Australia after three long years to attend his sister’s wedding. But, Harley being a man who always follows his heart, only stayed “home” two months before deciding to take a leap of love and join his Israeli beauty in Barcelona where she was living at the time. They had only known each other for two months and had been apart for over a year. But when you find “the one” your heart just knows and Harley answered the call and flew miles away from his home to build a new home with the love of his life. He and Debi had been living in Barcelona since the spring of last year, but were visiting Israel so she could say goodbye to her friends one last time before they both made the big move to Melbourne, Australia to begin school and build a new life together.

So, that brings us to why and how Harley ended up being in Israel the same time as the rest of us. And what about this mysterious man Liron I keep mentioning? Don’t worry, I will get to him soon enough, for there is much to say about Liron as well.  For now though, the story continues ….

Friday morning, Mika, Liron and I piled in Mika’s car and drove into Tel Aviv to meet up with Harley at a plaza near Mika’s apartment. Liron took off to find Harley as Mika and I parked the car and dropped our things at her apartment. When we wandered down, we walked across the plaza looking for two radiant beams of light emitting from our friends, shining up into the heavens in a divine glow. Right – so we Sunnies aren’t that enlightened and instead, I spotted Harley sitting crossed-legged in his normal position smoking a cigarette with Liron next to him. We bounced up to them both and Harley got up to greet us with big bear hugs hello. He looked the exactly the same, except a bit worn out from an early morning and that long, trying bus ride I had mentioned earlier.

We all piled back in the car and Mika fought through Tel Aviv traffic to make our way down to a seaside area called Jaffa – an Arabic part of town known for their markets and THE place to find the best hummus in the city. (Wow, even thinking about this moment and writing the word hummus I must take a second and collect myself as the memory of such devine deliciousness carried on a warm fluffy pita has my head spinning and my heart yearning to be there again.) This is a popular part of the city – I’m sure due to the fact the call for hummus beckons foodies like Mecca beckons the devout Islamic – so finding a parking place took a bit of time.

We wandered into the central market area,  walked along the streets and ducked into shops selling anything from antiques to trinkets to home goods, fashion and touristy items. I had to turn a blind eye to all the beautiful goods or else face an early return home due to spending all my money on the tempting treasures surrounding me. Mika led us to one of the famous hummus hot spots and we waited outside for a table. As we waited, I remember Harley and I getting into a deep discussion about intention versus action – it’s not what you do, it’s how you do what you’re doing. These are the type of conversations we have with each other and this is the very reason I love to soak up all the ideas and time I have with my friends. As for time, we apparently were a bit late for the hummus rush because as a table finally cleared and we made our way to sit down, the waiter informed us they were out of pitas for the day. These places make one fresh batch of hummus and pita every day and once it’s gone, it’s gone.

Not to be deterred, we (as in Liron and Mika who speak Hebrew) asked where the next best hummus joint was and we moved it on down the line. We found a cafe with an open table and sat ourselves down.

I'm trying to explain how much I love the heavenly hummus, with Liron and Harley listening intently.

Mika and Liron, again being Israeli and knowing all the good eats, ordered us two plates of hummus, one with tahini on top and one with whole chickpeas and herbs. To add to our feast we also had dolmades (grape leaves wrapped around spiced rice – “dolmades” is the Greek name but I can’t remember what they are called in Hebrew) and an Israeli salad. Of course there were Goldstars to go around as well. In regards to Harley and my conversation of the non-importance of what you do, but how you do it being important aspect, I can tell you that what I was doing was stuffing my face with some of the best hummus I’ve ever had. And how was I doing it? With complete happiness and love in my heart – so I guess that made it ok.

In between scoops of pita and hummus, we discussed what to do the next few days while we were all together. Mika, having just “baby-sat/Drea-sat” me during my mental and emotional breakdown days, which was piled upon the stress of returning to school in the next few days, was eager to loosen up and go dancing. She threw out the suggestion of driving down to a desert ashram in the south to attend the final night of a four-day festival called, “Zorba the Buddha.” She had the desire to dance and we needed a quick decision or we wouldn’t make it in time. At first there was no response from the peanut gallery, but I looked at Mika and felt so grateful for all her support and generosity in the past few days that I just blurted out, “Ok, let’s go!” It took a few minutes but after we toyed with the idea of really going, we were all on board. Poor Harley though – he had just endured that five-hour bus from the south that very morning, only to arrive in Tel Aviv, eat a bit of hummus and then it be decided to get back in the car and drive right back down to where he had just come from. The desert Kibbutz was literally 30 minutes away from the ashram where the festival was taking place. But like I said before, Harley is light and easy breezy and so once the decision was made, he laughed at the irony of it all and said nothing more.

Smiles of intense gratitude for Neal and his kindness!

When the bill came, I grabbed it up to pay for this “first” supper (rather than the last supper) in the Holy land with my friends all gathered around the same table. I was able to do this due to the generosity of one of my favorite regular customers at Cafe Patachou where I worked while I was home. This customer, Neal, would come in every week, always by himself and I often would chat with this very kind man. On the last week I worked, I mentioned to him that I was leaving and so wouldn’t be seeing him anymore. When I dropped the bill, he paid in cash and as he walked out, stopped me to wish me luck on my travels and motioned to where he’d left the bill and said, “When you get to Israel, have a drink with your friends on me.” I thanked him, wished him well and we said goodbye. When I picked up the bill, he had left me an extremely generous tip that warmed my heart and for which I was so grateful. I told my friends this story of this man’s beautiful generosity and when we finished that first meal all together that day, it was all thanks to Neal. Even just thinking of this kind act and how people who are practically strangers can support and encourage one another, makes me feel that life is just beautiful. Thank you Neal for your generosity, your constant kindness all those days I saw you at work and for giving me this lovely experience with my friends and this touching story to tell.

Bellies full and hearts happy, we got back in the car (which Harley was really excited about) and began our four-hour quest to reach the desert ashram. On the way down, Mika drove while Harley sat in the front seat giving us a thorough overview of his own interpretation and experiences with the spiritual text, A Course in Miracles. It was a course on the “Course” in a way. When Harley had left Guatemala last November, he had been given a “message” as to the next step on his spiritual path. After a bit of investigation, he came upon the Gospel of Thomas which then led him to the Course in Miracles. I laughed as he retold the story because his reaction wasn’t that of being blessed by a divine direction in life. It was more along the lines of, “Seriously? Ugh. That’s Jesus stuff ….” or something like that. And you may be thinking the same thing. Isn’t that some sort of Christian New-Agey Jesus freak kind of garbage? Um, no. Especially when you listen to Harley discuss his views on the subject.

Stopping for Harley to get his Kindle to get "Coursey" on us.

Jesus is involved but it’s not a Christian text – so for all you organized-religion loathers out there, or for anyone who follows a different religion, you are safe. The Course in Miracles is, however, a seemingly complex set of exercises that outline one simple truth: you are absolutely whole, absolutely pure and absolutely loved – just as you are, right in this moment. Without getting into the entire 365 workbook exercises or lengthy text, it basically says that we are always with “God” (or however you call him) and it helps you realize that through a very systematic approach of forgiving others and forgiving yourself. It sounds all fluffy kittens and puppies, but it actually introduces concepts that take concentration and contemplation. Of course it’s simple because the truth is that there is nothing to be forgiven because we are already forgiven, but getting to that place of knowing this truth is a different matter. So you see, there was much to discuss and many questions asked which filled our four-hour drive to the ashram.

We arrived at the desert ashram after dark and parked the car in the gravel lot outside. The ashram is a series of adobe like buildings set amidst a little oasis of trees and grass. For the Zorba the Buddha festival, other tents and little “village” type areas were constructed selling clothes, jewelry, health products, food and drink. All the tents and walkways were lit with twinkling lights, with the whole place smelling of incense. We walked in and decided to take a turn around the various areas to get our bearings. To the right of the entry was a series of tents with different workshops taking place like crystal healing, yoga this and that, group meditations and one tent offering a beautiful ceremony to welcome Shabbat (beginning that night at sundown). We scooted on past those and made it to the larger tent set up near the food area where there was definitely a party going on. They had a DJ spinning and once the notes settled upon Mika’s ears, we were parked in one spot so she could get her groove on after four hours of driving. Not being in the dancing mood quite yet, and seeing as it was still the first time I’d seen Harley since last November, we sat among the crazy trance dancers and continued to discuss the “Course” as well as catch up over beers.

When the set was over, we wandered to the back area of the festival where the largest tent was located. Upon the stage was a collection of musicians playing the crystal bowls and didgeridoo. The music was etherial and haunting and we were drawn in as if under a spell. When this “band” finished, we decided it was high time to head to the car and get the Arak (licorice tasting liquor) and grapefruit juice we had brought to celebrate the evening. I suggested we get the tent and set it up as well. This was followed by looks of pity, insanity and humor. (Oh, Drea ….) Tent? What tent? Who planned on sleeping that night? Somehow I missed that trivial little fact that we weren’t planning on camping at the desert ashram. No this was an all night full on hippy Israeli trance dance festival. We definitely needed to go drink some Arak then.

No one was safe from their spell.

When we got back from our parking lot party, people were gathering at the large tent for the next performance about to begin. This time, we weren’t drawn in by fantasy sounds of angelic singing and crystal instruments. This time, we were drawn in and completely captivated by four vixen Goddesses seductively dancing on the stage and making every man in the audience think sinful thought I’m sure. These women were spell-binding. It wasn’t just the way they moved their bodies, or the rhythm of the music or even the dazzling costumes they wore. For me, I was totally in awe of how in love an at home they were in their own bodies. This self-love and confidence shone out brightly as straight, raw sex appeal drawing in both men and women. I laughed as I looked over at Harley and Liron and every other man helpless in the light of their spinning and swirling and hip shaking. At the end of their last dance, they all shimmied out into the audience to get the crowd up and dancing into a frenzy. Following them was a full piece band playing ethnic tunes that got the whole tent hopping. We danced and danced and spun and swirl.

This seemed to go on forever and we just kept shakin’ it and getting our groove going. We had to carefully boogie around one particular couple who seemed immune to the heavy beat of the drum and simply stood almost frozen in one position the entire time, barely moving a muscle, and deeply locked in the most awkward kiss I’d ever seen. Being that it wasn’t just a peck, there was a lot of drool just dripping down. I’m not sure if they were part of the performance art, or were vying for the next title in the Guinness Book of World Records, or were caught up in the love of the moment – an eternal moment it seemed – or if they were just on something really good and had lost all track of time, space and reality. Now I’m a person who loves love in all forms, but this was a form I prefered to not have to witness.

Dancing around the lip-locked couple

After a while, the band started to wind down and we retreated to the side lines of the stage to have a sit while the crowd dispersed. Our little circle of friends were visited by several random people, one who was telling tales of his experience in the sweat lodge that afternoon, a young high school girl who looked more like a fairy and elegantly and magically rolled this “crystal” looking ball all about her hands (think David Bowie in Labrynth style). We also attracted a poor soul who didn’t seem to have any friends so laid down next to us and just seemed to observe our conversation. He took a liking to Mika, who didn’t take a liking to that so much, so got up and decided it was time to dance out in the main desert trance tent.

Liron followed suit and the two Israelis answered the innate call of hard-core trance that seems to be ingrained in the physical makeup of everyone in that country. It’s like their blood courses through their body to the beat of the dance trance rhythm. And when the music begins, they are powerless to its effect and must all gather together doing their gyrating trance routine. It makes complete sense really. For a country so hardened with conflict all about them, suffering from the never-ending threat of war and for all men and women (practically boys and girls) having to do mandatory military service during what should be their fun and fancy free years, a little release is necessary sometime. And there’s no release quite like letting it all go and dancing it out to hard-core techno beats.

Harley and I stayed back to continue our chatting and catching up and theorizing about life and sip on our Arak and grapefruit. After a bit, the sweat lodge soul informed us the sun would be coming up soon. At this news I was shocked. How could it be almost four in the morning? Hadn’t we just arrived? Didn’t the trance tent just recently open up? I looked down at the empty bottle of Arak between Harley and I and realized that maybe we had been chatting and “sipping” the Arak for a long while. Poor Mika and Liron had been dancing in the trance tent by themselves for much longer than I noticed as well. To this, I said the first of many times, “F**king Arak!” That liquor is quite strong and makes time seem extremely relative, and also causes my brain, and me to do crazy things.

So Harlz and I picked ourselves up and got our Arak-infused selves out to the trance tent as well. We all spent the next few hours just letting go and dancing to the desert beats. Maybe it was the Arak, or maybe it was the high I was feeling from being around my friends, but I let it all go and channeled my inner-Israeli and danced like I was freeing myself from all the burdens of the world. The fact that the sun was coming up and the light was getting brighter and brighter didn’t faze me a bit. It could have been the residual jet lag, but really I think it was the extreme energy of the whole place – either way, I didn’t feel a bit tired. In fact, I felt light and loose and ready to dance for the rest of my life.

Breakfast Beer Break at 5 a.m.

Dancing, or quality dancing, always includes dispersing. (None of that “Let’s all huddle together in one group for social safety standards” crap.) Mika, Liron, Harley and I were all spread out, but got back together after a while and trekked back to the original food station tent to have a bit of a rest and a beer. The sit and recharge was becoming much-needed as the time was approaching 6 a.m. I thought back to the last time I had a beer at 6am to keep my going and wondered if I ever in my “youth” had stayed up drinking that late. (For sure I have, but usually drinking that late and memory recall do not go hand in hand). In addition to channeling my inner Israeli, apparently I was channeling my inner undergrad too.

Once we emptied our beers, it was time once again to trek on out to the tent. The sun was getting quite high in the sky at that time and as we came over the hill to walk down the path towards the tent, I looked around at the desert horizon dotted with all these crazy “cats” in their blankets and hooded sweatshirts bopping to the beats and wandering about the desert hillside. I couldn’t help but feel that we were in some sort of zombie apocalypse music video. You know, kind of like Michael Jackson’s “Thriller” video but just with less leather zip up jackets, 80s jerry curl and bad-ass MJ moves. (Oh how I would have loved to see the crowd spontaneously join together in a MJ-esque dance sequence set to crazy trance beats a la flash mob style. Maybe if I stayed up a few more hours the delirium would set in and my mind could project this fantasy …) Flash mob fantasies aside, we spent the rest of the morning roaming around the hill (definitely zombie style), watching the sun rise, dancing some more, taking photos, laughing and really loving being with each other.

Zombie Scene from "Night of the Living Dead"

     Do you see any resemblance?

Dawn of the zombie trance dancers

And if you REALLY want to see some quality zombie trance dancing, check this out!

CLICK HERE

For me, as the sun rose to a new day, I was feeling like the dawning of something new as well. Sometimes I get so stuck up in my head with thoughts about things and what it all means. The previous few days Mika been trying to convince me to just let all my worries about my family, my trip and my life direction go, and to just have fun. She had kept saying, “I feel like dancing!” She had been so right. Here we were, out in the desert dancing under the new sun that comes up every single day to give us light and all we have to do is live under its rays. Sometimes, when my head starts spinning out of control like that, what I really need to do is deaden those compulsive thoughts and let my body do all the spinning and twirling. Dancing in the desert was exactly what I needed and even though we hadn’t slept a wink that night, I felt amazing. It was like Dawn of the Dead – except it was my thoughts I’d let die with the rising sun and I was the one feeling alive.

This zombie is waking up (although it doesn't look that way)

The feeling lasted a while, until that is, we decided to go back to the main tent and sit down for a bit. By this time, the sun was high in the sky and it was starting to get hot again (being the desert and all). We found some cushions and ate a healthy late night/early morning breakfast snack of apples and mixed nuts or something – who really knows at that point – and within a lightning flash, Harley and Mika laid their heads down and went to sleep. Liron and I were up for maybe two seconds longer, just long enough for me to say, “How can they sleep? I’m not even tired” to which I probably laid my head down and crashed out as well. Liron on the other hand, he’s got some sort of super human strength and he may have dozed a bit, but when we all woke up from our nap about two hours later, he was awake and just sitting up watching over us.

Sunnies at Sunrise

At that point it was getting pretty toasty so we decided it was time to say farewell to our festivities and make the long drive back. Coming back down to the south after he’d just arrived north in Tel Aviv may not have been Harley’s favorite experience on Friday, but the fact that he was only 30 minutes away from the Kibbutz where he and his girlfriend Debi were staying, and only 30 minutes away from a bed, actually worked out in his favor. We drove Harley to the Kibbutz and dropped him at the main building. I was eager to meet his girlfriend after all the stories and amazing things I’d heard about her, but Andrea playing the part of “cracked-out trance-dance Barbie” was not the first impression I wanted to make. So we said quick goodbyes to Harley and said to send our hellos to Debi and then we continued on our way – not before stopping at another desert Kibbutz just down the road where Mika’s mom happened to be staying for the weekend.

Her mom had been visiting her friend that weekend and it worked out perfectly that we were there to be able to pick her up and drive her back to Tel Aviv. When we got there though, she wasn’t sure she was finished with the fun. Her friend had invited her to go snorkeling in Eilat and she was checking on whether they could get the car. So we waited around under a tree while the details were arranged. After a bit, she happily informed us that she would be going south and that we should head on home.

And so we began the lengthy four and a half hour drive home on two hours of sleep and almost 10 hours of trance dancing. After about an hour or so we stopped for some food and gas and some much needed espresso. I was feeling badly for Mika as she had driven us the whole way down and definitely won the award for most hours danced. I offered to drive a bit, and when she questioned if I felt comfortable driving her mom’s car through the desert in Israel, I said sure – driving is driving right? So we all piled in and Mika played DJ as I drove us the rest of the three hours back into the city. Driving the car through the desert via the Dead Sea, and having experienced my first trance party the night before, I was feeling like a true Israeli.

When we arrived at her mom’s place, we mustered up the rest of our strength and jointly washed her mom’s car (which we had driven) and cleaned up the house. Mika and I showered and I got my bag ready for the second leg of our trip that evening. I was packing all my things and heading to Haifa with Liron, to stay with him for the next couple of days while Mika prepared for her first day back at school. Remember my fantasy of wanting to attend an Israeli wedding? Liron has a magical way about him and special things often take place when he’s around. When we met up at the Outback Pub and discussed plans for the trip, he had invited me to his friends’ wedding taking place that Sunday. He had made my dream come true! The only thing that lay between me and more dancing and festivities was an hour-long train ride to Haifa, a few hours of sleep and then gathering the energy to attend the wedding the very next evening.

Running on reserves, we piled our things in the car and Mika dropped us off at the train station. From there Liron and I boarded the train to Haifa. I was being “Drea-napped” as Liron called it and was on my way to see his brand new apartment and his life in Haifa.

This is where I will stop this part of the story. There is much more to tell in regards to “Dancing, Desert, Driving and Desserts” but it will have to wait for another day. So stay tuned and I will post Part 2 very soon!

(If the Course in Miracles has peaked your interest, let me know as I have both the workbook and the text in soft copy and I will send them to you. I have done a few of the exercises but nothing like Harley. So other than telling you what I learned from Harley sounds absolutely fascinating, I can’t vouch for the text personally).

AS ALWAYS, HERE ARE MORE PHOTOS!

(And if I ever figure out how to make my videos play, I will upload them as well!)

Click to view slideshow.